More Unsettling
Remarks
by M. V.
Montgomery
Did you just eat an angry Whopper? Have
you been drinking the hater-ade?
I could eat you up! Im a
zombie for you!
Opossums are so weird with those
white faces, theyre not even human.
Why did the explorer avoid going to
the tennis court? He was afraid of can-a-balls.
The big cheese told me any salary
adjustment would be contingent upon a performance
review. So I got up from my seat, went to
the front of the conference room, and started
singing.
The other day as I was trying to
start my car, it began to send up billows of
white smoke. 'Whats wrong with it?'
a neighbor shouted. 'Nothing,' I replied. 'I
think it might just be electing another pope.'
I fooled you! Soc.! Econ! What,
no, I mean, Psych!
Youre not losing a wife,
youre gaining a garage.
I feel like I have blood on my hands;
I had to kill several pages on internet today.
Attack of giant beast at sea: squid
pro quo.
I was growing tired of crawling
across the floor picking up my daughters
stuffed animals, and my hands were full, but
fortunately I was wearing a very fuzzy sweater
bristling from all of the static electricity. And
so I simply stuck some of the smaller ones to the
sweater material. Then my wife entered and
told me to stop, our child had to learn to pick
up after herself. Sheepishly, I stood up. Whats
all that? she asked, seeing me all covered with
stuffed toys. Sheesh! I replied. Must be my
animal magnetism.
You win some, lose some. I just try
to be as winsome as I can.
|