A Crazy Lady
by John Yelavich
My wife and I
are new residents of an over 55 community on the
edge of the Pine Barrens in southern New Jersey.
We feel as though we are living “Off the
Grid” as a simple trip to a grocery store,
mall or restaurant is an excursion requiring a
full tank of gas and an emergency survival kit.
Living all of our lives within ten miles of New
York City spoiled us as simple conveniences are
no longer at our fingertips.
My wife, Alison wanted me to make the journey go
to Stop & Shop to pick up milk and rolls.
As I approached the checkout lane, my cashier,
Doris was talking to another cashier, Micki. I
was intrigued by their conversation and since no
one was waiting in line behind me, I was glad to
take a moment to listen to their mirthful
laughter.
“Doris, Can you believe what happened here
this morning?”
“Micki, I have seen a lot of crazy things
around here but this was definitely one of a kind.”
“The manager had to call the police this
morning, Micki explained.”
“She was some crazy broad; can you believe
she came in here just wearing a bra and panties!
She seemed very unsteady, don’t know if she
was high or just drunk.”
“I guess she thought she was appropriately
dressed for the heat wave, but the two policemen
didn’t see it that way and quickly escorted
her out the door. But they were gentle, they didn’t
put her in handcuffs. I even saw one of them
laughing behind her back.”
Being new to the area, I had to ask the ladies
for their thoughts about local happenings.
“When you talk about crazy things are you
referring to Stop & Shop or the community at
large?”
“The community; believe me the people here
are crazy. We have too many old timers living
down here, Doris said.”
I expressed some bogus concern in the hopes that
these ladies would share a few more comical
stories. “Well I’m a newbie, I just
moved in about a year ago, so what do I need to
be concerned about and where should I focus my
attention?”
Micki gave me a little bit of advice. “The
women that live around here are just crazy and
they will do anything to get a man. You still
look kind of young, so you had better be careful.”
Both of the ladies seemed to respond in unison.
“Don’t look at us, we both have a man
and we don’t even live near here.”
I left with a smile, but then it occurred to me
that I never asked the question, “How old
was that barely clothed woman?” If she
were young, I might have really missed something,
but then again, at that hour of the morning, the
experience may not have been that enticing.
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