Cooking for the
Single Person – Chapter 4 – Food
by William Kitcher
Food
Without food, you could get quite sick, so you
definitely need to get some food. It’s very
important in the world of cooking.
When you go into a grocery store – and if
you’re unsure what a grocery store is, ask a
police officer or your clergyman – don’t
be intimidated by all the food you see there.
Most of it is inedible anyway so you don’t
need to worry about it.
Head straight for the bakery and get bread. Lots
of it. At least a dozen loaves. The quickest meal
to prepare that I can think of is a loaf of bread.
No mess, no fuss. Just open the bag and start
eating. And be sure to test a few slices while
you’re in the grocery store. Sometimes bread
isn’t as fresh as it should be, and testing
the product is the best way to ensure maximum
satisfaction.
Then go to the fruit department. Bananas, apples,
pears, peaches, all of these can be eaten right
away without cooking. If you want, you can even
peel the banana first.
Then go to the cereals section. Corn Flakes, Rice
Krispies, Potato Puffs, whatever you like. Just
pour them into a bowl and start eating. Some
people put milk on their cereal, but if you don’t
like milk, or you know that milk is full of all
kinds of foul pus that isn’t good for you,
you can always use beer.
And that’s it. That’s all you’ll
need for healthy, tasty meals.
I know, I know. Some of you are saying, “But
that’s not cooking.” Well, you’re
right, but stop interrupting me when I’m
writing.
Cooking is much more complicated and I’m not
sure you’re ready for it just yet. Cooking
will be the subject of Chapter 16.
But I’ll give you a suggestion of something
you can try between now and then if you want a
hot meal. But don’t blame me if everything
goes wrong. Be sure, and I must emphasize, be
sure to follow the instructions. OK, here it is.
A can of baked beans. Now… hmmm… that’s
curious. No instructions. Well, you’re on
your own.
OK, after you digest that chapter (see what I did
there?), you’re ready to move on to the next
chapter, where I will discuss the differences
between mushrooms, toadstools, and lawyers.
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