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From the Auditions of a Goose Who Never Made it as An Actor
by R.D. Ronstad

 For the role of …
 
James Bond: HONK-Honk, Honk Honk
 
Mr. Miyagi: Honk HONK, HONK Honk
 
Mary Poppins: HONK Honk-Honk-Honk HONK Honk-Honk-Honk  Honk HONK Honk-Honk
 
The Lone Ranger: Honk Honk HONK-Honk, Honk-HONNNNK!
 
Kato, Inspector Clouseau's houseboy: HOOONNNNNNNNNNK!!!
 
Taxi #1 in Taxi Driver: Honk Honk*
 
The Terminator: Honk Honk-Honk
 
Goose #3 (Fly Away Home): HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK...HONK…HONK…HONK…Honk…Ho...*
 
Stand-in for Roger Ebert or Gene Siskel on At the Movies:

 A bystander spotting a flying Superman: Honk-Honk HONK, Honk-Honk HONK, Honk HONK Honk-Honk!
 
A member of the Wehrmacht (no dialogue): Goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, etc.**
 
An extra in a crowd at a basketball game singing along with Gary Glitter‘s “Rock & Roll - Part II (The Hey Song)”:
 
...............HONK!..........
 
...............HONK!..........
 
...............HONK!..........
 
Jimmy Dugan (manager of the Rockford Peaches of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League): HONK Honk Honk-Honk-Honk-Honk HONK!
______ 

*Failed to capture the animus of a typical New York taxi. Rejected.
 
**Hired for the part, but showed up drunk the first day of shooting and was immediately released.
 
***Very nervous that day and duck-stepped a couple times. Rejected.