Goat Yoga, Is
That How Goat Cheese Is Made?
by Carol
McKenzie
I am confused;
is goat yoga real? From studying brochures about
goat yoga, a hairy goat cruises around on your
back while you contort your body and balance. How
is this going to work? Goat hooves would be sharp--is
the goal to be in even more intense discomfort?
Get on the pain train, sister, hoist that 30-pound
goat onto my aching back.
The reality is
mothers have been performing goat yoga for
centuries, except it is called baby yoga (Carrying
a crying 20-pound baby on your side all day long).
Moms and dads perform thrusting side bends with
screaming babies barely hanging on to retrieve
binkies. Forget the dolphin plank, baby yoga has
been around since the dawn of man.
The first time
I heard anything goat was a movie about old men
staring at goats, or old goats staring at men.
Men cause concern staring at anything.
The goat hype
has mutated into goat bonding with a side of
meditation.
I am
fascinated where this goat trend will lead. Soon
there will be service goats on airplanes and in
restaurants, even goat bodyguards. I can say
confidently, if I flew on an airplane right now,
a goat to separate me from other passengers would
be a good thing.
The protocol
if the goat needs to relieve itself is as follows:
The goat urinates and defecates on your back--is
that spiritual or what?
On a goat yoga
education website, the claim is made your chakra
can be expanded by performing goat yoga. I don't
know if I have any chakra. I am trying not to
expand anywhere on my body especially any place
wide enough for a goat to be comfortable.
Goat yoga is
supposed to make you calm, peaceful, as the goat
silently chews your braided ponytail from the
back of your head while you perform a thrust
plank position.
Who is going
to explain weight limits to the renegade goat if
the baby goat gets a wee too big with pointy
horns, but demands to occupy your shoulders and
play goat yoga? Will the goat end up in a goat
revitalization program, or end up at a goat
processing plant?
NEWS FLASH:
Northern California residents are renting
renegade yoga goats to eat the dry brush some
people claim caused the uncontrolled fires
earlier this year. The goat herders are charging
$500 per acre as a “brush cleaning” fee.
Stay tuned for more updates and how you too can
own a herd of goats.
Frankly, I don't
want anything with horns wandering around on my
back. Goat yoga will fade into memory just like
Rolfing. Does anyone know what Rolfing is?
Exactly.
An innocent
yoga enthusiast will be attacked by a humiliated,
berserk goat because the animal is deemed to have
too big of a goat butt. I hope then we can all go
back to regular yoga without the goat breath.
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