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Ifs And Buts, Etc.
by R.D. Ronstad

Everyone knows that "if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas." But what many people do not know is that ...

If ors and ands were blue skies and sands, every day would be a day at the beach.

If maybes and supposes were oil and roses, every day would include a parade.

If whats and whys were turkeys and pies, every day would be Thanksgiving.

If pardons and excuses were discounts and bruises, every day would be the day after Thanksgiving.

If tos and froms were banners and drums, every day would be the Fourth of July.

If hellos and goodbyes were shamrocks and green ties, every day would be St. Patrick’s Day.

If ons and offs were sniffles and coughs, every day would be a call in sick day.

If yous and mes were two kinds of trees, every day would be Arbor Day.

If cames and wents were dollars and cents, every day would be payday.

If doubts and certains were ballots and curtains, every day would be Election Day.

If intos and throughs were pumpkins and boos, every day would be Halloween.

If stops and starts were chocolates and hearts, every day would be Valentine’s Day.

If pleases and thanks were fakeouts and pranks, every day would be April Fool’s Day.

If thises and thats were cowlicks and mats, every day would be a bad hair day.