by Edmund Conti
Found his fortunes going south
When one day something bad he said.
Father heard him. Sh!t, dad said.
Willie Lumpkin, little brat,
Stole his sisters brand new hat.
Touched it up with Mothers
Now she has a fascinator.
Willie eyed the microwave
Tried to nuke his brother Dave.
Look, Ma, quoted Willy
Now we are a nuclear family."
Little Willie, sad and grave
Help put granny in her grave.
Next time, Willy, Mother said,
Please wait till your grannys dead.
Little Willie, playing God,
Hurled a thunder bolt at Dad.
God, amused, thought Willy odd.
Still, He thought, his aims not bad.
Rocket wizard, little Will,
Fired off his makeshift toy.
Rockets up in orbit still.
So is Willie. Hang on, boy.
Little Willie, big time spender,
Bought a thirty-five buck blender.
His gerbil made the blender crack
Now he wants his money back.
Willie said its time to go
And put his parents on a floe.
Gee, he thought, a floating coffin.
Sadly, though, Ill be an orphan.
Willie thought Aunt Lucy smelly
Covered her with cabbage jelly.
Later Cousin Larry thinks--
Why is it my mommy stinks?
Willie to his own delight
And no one elses painted white
The blackboards at his grammar school.
Saves erasing, said our fool.
Willie when his parents died.
Cried and cried. So sad inside.
Cheer up, Will, he said. Be
Now I am nobodys fool.
Willie urged by other boys on
Fed his parents rodent poison.
Now should you be interested
Willies house is rat-infested.