Punnyography
by R.D. Ronstad
Note: Any similarities
between these books and books in the real world
are beyond coincidental.
Synopsis: A historical
fantasy about a brilliant novelist who,
disillusioned by the lack of public recognition
of his talents, retires from the writing life to
run a poultry farm in the French countryside. Two
years later, a former literary rival, still
bearing an old grudge, absconds one dark night
with several of the author’s prize-winning
chickens. After several days of captivity in the
back of a beat-up Volkswagen minibus, the
chickens effect a daring escape, and begin an
arduous, danger-filled 900-mile trek back to the
only home they have ever known, and the master
they adore. Title: The Chickens Come
Home to Proust
Synopsis: Intergalactic man-eating
aliens the Kanamits return to earth after a 40-year
absence and eat all the inhabitants of Chicago
except, owing to their respect for the arts,
Chicago’s brightest literary light. Alas,
the Kanamits well-documented love for bad puns
eventually overcomes their literary taste---a
tragic turn of events that leads to the famous
author’s demise. Title: There’s
Always Room for Bellow
Synopsis: A family of
modern-day trapeze artists, who have gained
notoriety by reciting from The
Canterbury Tales while performing high-flying
acts of daring, suffers a series of unfortunate
performance-related accidents. Title: Earth
vs. The Flying Chaucers
Synopsis: A biography of
sixteenth-century French philosopher and essayist
Francis Bacon, with a decidedly anti-Bacon slant.
Title: The Bad Side of Bacon
Synopsis: A cold-war tale
about an Iowa farm boy who hides his love of
Russian literature from his xenophobic father by
pasting false covers on all his books. Title: The
Chekhov is in the Mailer
Synopsis: Focuses on a
little-known period in Mark Twain’s life
during which he made his living as a maitre’d
in St. Louis’ trendiest bistro. Fired for
regularly getting patrons to do his work for him
by convincing them it was “fun,” a
fistfight ensues in the kitchen between Twain and
the owner of the eatery, during which the owner
falls into a rack of skewers, suffering a number
of fatal wounds. Twain is banned from the
hospitality industry for life. A period of
depression ensues. Title: Never the
Twain Shall Seat
Synopsis: An autobiography
by J. R. R. Tolkien. Title: I’m
Tolkien to You
Synopsis: A highly
unflattering biographical portrait of Truman
Capote. Title: Capote Ugly
Synopsis: Amusing story of
a man who, over 10 years time (1895-1905), tried
to pass himself off as Irish playwright George
Bernard Shaw, with little success. Title: George
Bernard? Pshaw!
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