Sales Talk
by Dan Keeble
Salesmen are
seen as wide boys. Over-the-top, over-confident,
and back-slapping. They rarely are. But Frank
Walsh was. A Sales Director alongside Bernie
Drain, M.D. of the company I worked for as a
buyer.
Bernie was diametrically opposite to Frank. He
was awkwardly shy and dreaded welcoming clients
to the factory. After managing a few words, he
was eager to hand them over to Frank for a
factory tour.
On the few occasions Bernie accompanied Frank on
visits to customers’ premises, he let Frank
do all the talking. However, one thing he did
note, Frank would throw in the odd swear word,
which appeared to break the ice and build rapport
with a client. Being socially inept, Bernie hadn’t
grasped that streetwise Frank could judge whether
a client would appreciate his banter. What
registered with Bernie was that a bit of swearing
seemed to go a long way.
Having seen it work, Bernie was eager to add it
to his limited conversational attempts.
His big moment arrived. A team visited the
factory from a major military equipment giant,
accompanied by two representatives from the M.O.D.
These were booted and suited. Two even sported
bow ties. I sat with colleagues from production,
quality control, and finance. Frank sat at one
end of the conference table, with Bernie at the
head.
The meeting was going well, discussing contract
opportunities well in excess of anything we had
hoped for. Of course, Frank did much of the
talking, using diplomatic skills to engender
confidence in our capabilities. After an hour had
passed and the business side of the meeting eased
off. Coffee and biscuits moved the conversation
onto a more social level.
One of the M.O.D. chaps perceived Bernie was not
relaxed in conversation, and tried
sympathetically to draw him out. “How do you
relax Bernie, when you are not fighting the
challenges of running this business?’ he
asked.
Bernie shifted in his seat. ‘I like to play
golf when I can,’ he said.
The guy encouraged him a little more to open up.
‘And how’s the game going for you?’
Bernie realised the importance of this meeting
for the business and understood that he would
have to step up and make the effort. He took a
breath and began.
‘Well, I was out at the weekend. Weather
wasn’t f___ great. From the first hole, I
knew it wasn’t my f___ day. I put my first f___
ball on a tee, and with one giant sweep of my
driver, I hit the f___ thing as far along that f___
fairway as I could. I heard a crack and looked
down. The f___ ceramic insert had come out of my
iron, and the f___ ball went straight into the f___
rough, right among the f___ trees.’
Silence….almost forever.
Ten gaped mouths hung wide, anticipating dental
treatment, except that pain would have
been preferable.
I think Frank stepped in to salvage something
from the meeting. I’ve no idea what happened
to the contract.
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