Step 9
by Vincent Barry
Does
one have to say what one is apologizing for? I
think so, certainly if there’s been a
considerable lapse of time. But, apparently, I am
mistaken.Take the apologetic note I recently
received from a woman whom, apparently, I knew
years ago. A Hester Smedley. Despite best efforts
to recall from the dim and distant past, no
Hester Smedley emerges. A Hadlee Redly, yes, and,
of course,—how could I ever forget Wrenly
Chance-Medley? . . . And then there’s Hester
Harriet Marsden-Smedley, the journalist who made
a few inquiries on Kim Philby’s behalf? But
she’s long since gone . . . . In any event,
this Hester Smedley is a self-admitted recovering
alcoholic who evidently has advanced to Step 9
—you know, making amends? So I gather she’s
apologizing for having harmed me. But how? I don’t
even know who she is, let alone what she did.
That’s not to say I am not sympathetic . . .
or curious. Of course I am. Who wouldn’t be
curious about an apology from a person one doesn’t
know or can’t remember as having inflicted
on him an unspecified harm? I mean, was it
physical?. . . psychological? . . . legal?. . .
social? . . . economic? Perhaps I am suffering
traumatic amnesia from the harm HS inflicted? . .
.Well, you can see why I am completely beside
myself. Frankly, I don’t know whether to let
it lie or reply, . . . put it in the drawer and
ignore, or further explore, this missive from
this mysterious Hester Smedley. . . . But it
strikes me—just head scratching, y’know,—
that, well, it may be time to reach out to—well,
frankly, Wrenly Chance-Medley. Apologize, as it
were. . . . For what? . . . Hmm, does one really
have to say what one is apologizing for? . . .
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