Terminal Blues
by Hazel
Girolamo
Welcome aboard,
sit anywhere you like, don't take any notice of
those numbers, they are only a guide. Are you on
the right plane? Don't ask me dear, I'm on work
experience!
Take note of the exits here and here and here. Of
course if anything "bad" happens, extra
exit points will open up all over the place so if
one happens to be next to you and you want to
take advantage, that will be a purely
personal choice. And if any of those mask
thingies fall down, form an orderly line and help
yourself to the drinks trolley if there is
anything left. On the drinks trolley I mean not
if there is anything left of the plane. Of course
if there is a major incident, rummage around
under your seat and spare a moment to thank me
that I made you put all that hand luggage up
overhead and try to locate your flotation device.
I finally found one that fits me so if you don't
find one, you have won the lucky seat
prize. You will need to survive to claim it but
it will be worth it, I promise! Isn't it just the
most awful colour? Why they don't come in
prettier colours I cannot think. When one is
floundering around in the Pacific you need a
cheering spring colour like tropical splashdown,
anyway sling it on and hope like hell it floats.
I mean, who tests these things anyway and who are
you going to complain to in the middle of
whatever ocean you happen to be sinking into.
When we land or should I say if, what with tarmac
terrorists terrorising us with ash and volcanoes
on the war path flight path, be careful of what
may have gone on in the overhead lockers as it's
bound to still be one or two pieces.
Explaining to OH&S about being gobsmacked by
a souvenir Scandinavian googly eyed snow dome or
being brought down by a broad shouldered brand
name carrier bag from Beirut it more trouble than
its worth. believe me!
The captain should be giving his welcome spiel
although I had a quick look in the cockpit and it
was empty but it's not so terribly hard to fly a
plane, all those knobs and blinking lights are
mostly for show, you just put the thing into fly
instead of drive and your up, up and away and he
did leave the pilot light on.
Soon we be serving those tastebud teasers
optimistically called meal units and then we can
all have a good chin wag and I can find out
exactly where we all are headed as I got the
sticky end of the straw.
Now sit back and relax, I can hear the propeller
being wound up and the big rubber band will be
pulled all the way back and we'll spring up into
the air and lets hope we all stay there!
|
