You're Fired!
by Rod Bartchy
"California
wildfires are being magnified & made so much
worse by the bad environmental laws which aren’t
allowing massive amount of readily available
water to be properly utilized. It is being
diverted into the Pacific Ocean. Must also tree
clear to stop fire spreading!"
This recent
POTUS tweet has confirmed what many have
suspected. The California wildfires are
caused by trees!
This
conclusion comes about after several months of
research by off-the-grid wilderness dwellers
living in remote corners of western states.
Often operating at great personal risk, these
hardy patriots have infiltrated all of the
national forests not yet heroically felled by
logging interests.
Camouflaged as
rocks, abandoned vehicles or marijuana fields,
they have compiled a devastating dossier of
conspiracy on the part of the trees we have long
trusted for shade and autumn colors.
In short there
is a plot amongst these arboreal agitators to
migrate towards nascent fires, hurl themselves
into the blaze, and expand the conflagrations.
Their ultimate objective remains unclear.
Some in the POTUS inner circle suspect it is a
plot by the Mueller investigative team to
distract the President from his primary job of
flooding social media with cretinous tweets.
POTUS has
provided us with further insight into the
situation in California, decrying the waste of
water which treasonously flows to the sea,
instead of rising up to douse the blazes.
Known by
environmentalists as ‘rivers’, these
flows have apparently been a fixture of the state
for many years. Lobbying by
supporters of these rivers, and their cohorts,
streams, creeks and rivulets, has resulted in a
wild west of waterfalls, estuaries and rapids
that are indifferent to tariffs, White House
invitations, or tax cuts.
The
administration finds this situation intolerable.
Officials are also alarmed by the presence of the
Potomac not far from the White House, and are now
preparing a twitter salvo against what they have
long suspected is a Democrat river.
But all is not
lost! Strategists close to POTUS plan to
actively enlist the aid of the Colorado river.
Sourced in the Rockies, this mighty torrent runs
through the American Southwest, carving the Grand
Canyon (soon to be renamed ‘The Fantastic
Huge Great Canyon’ by presidential edict),
before petering out from overuse more than 70
miles from its ancestral outfall in the Gulf of
California.
Administration
experts skilled in watering down gun control and
emissions control legislation are now diving in
to solve California’s water crisis.
Preliminary plans include a vast network of
pipelines and sprinkler systems extending well
into national forests, private country clubs, and
ten-acre estates.
This would all
be financed by a tax on trees which would be
required to obtain ID cards and file tax returns.
The leafy
leviathans are unlikely to take this lying down.
They’ve
been here a long time. They’ve
outlasted volcanoes, glaciers, and asteroid
strikes. Besides, if they get ID
cards and file tax returns, they can vote.
They probably have their own ideas of what Making
America Great again means.
And it might
not include people.
|
