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Arf
by Bill Tope

Arf sat up and yawned widely, in the process extending a long, pink tongue and flashing sharp white canine teeth.  Then she got down on all four and yipped excitedly.  Arf was in fact a four-pound wiener dog and as such, was required by law to bark furiously at any and all earthly phenomena.

Just now the noble dachshund was protesting the appearance of rain, for Arf knew that with rain, she would not receive her daily constitutional and frankly, she needed that walk. She had been particularly thirsty this morning and slaking that thirst enthusiastically, had puffed her bladder out to heroic proportions.

Physically distressed and feeling hapless, Art let out a piteous whine, which garnered the attention of one of the clutch of human beans that she kept as pets; this one was female and possessed more authority that the others; she kept her fellow beans in line and Arf was grateful for that.  Sometimes, she knew, human beans could get out of hand.  And they were almost helpless without the little dog.

This human, known locally as "Mom," attached a red leash to Arf's collar, unfolded an umbrella and said, "Come on, Baby, this'll keep us dry."  And she led the way to the front door.  How utterly humiliating, stewed Arf, following Mom out the door and onto the front lawn. "Okay, Arf, do your business," she said, holding the umbrella over the two of them.  Yikes! thought the little dog: the grass is wet!  She glanced back at Mom and glared. Don't look! she admonished the human, and at length concluded her ablutions.

Back inside the warm kitchen, Mom unsnapped the leash and gave Arf an affectionate pat on her flank.  Arf stuck her nose in the air and whimpered peremptorily.  Mom then knelt and scratched the top of the dachshund's brown head.  Umm, thought Arf.  I love when they do that.

Next Arf ate and drank her fill and then reposed upon a rug before the hearth, relishing the heat on a cold autumn day. And in her mind she dreamed amorously of the cat, Fifi, from next door. The little dog had to smile at their little secret: her whole family of beans only imagined that Arf was binary.