Cain Settles
Down
by Albert Russo
When the televangelists
pray, they bowl over, left and under, hit their
chests, squash their bazooms as if they were
scrambled eggs, and get into a transe - it’s
a kind of spastic dance -, letting out mastodon
farts that can be suffocating. Why else do you
think so many of them faint, thrashing about like
them beheaded chickens you see in Voodoo rites?
After having roamed the
desert for an unconscious number of
years, being kicked by hungry camels and pricked
by a zillion bugs, that made him look like he was
the inventor of that Swiss cheese full of holes
called Emmenthal which is finger-licking
delicious when it’s still soft - only, in
this case, his whole skin, from face to foot, was
punctured and cracked because of the heat, Cain
seemed to have been covered with pimples and
boils when he was a child.
He eventually settled in an
oasis shaded by three sickly and dry palm trees,
and in which flowed a tiny river. Nod was the
name of the place and the Bible adds that he
found a wife and started a family.
Cain then built the world’s
first city which he named Enoch, after their
first son. Now, hear this: the ladder
lived … 969 years. Was he then a descendant
or the ancestor of the dinosaurs?
The day you decide to open
that big wolf of a Book, remember it’s
really an encyclopaedia, with lotsa do’s and
don’t’s, legends, fantastic stories,
poems and songs, but also with quite a few true
facts. I realize that the Balihoo too is full of
holes, on account that many of the stories follow
other stories, with no head nor tail, like above.
Apparently Goddess took
pity on Eve and Adam and let them have a third
son, to replace the kind and unfortunate Abel.
Beth was not only a good guy, but he spread love
and flowers around him. Around what and who, ok
… whom? Where were the people? In Woodstock
where love was free?
This Holy Hole of a Book is
also fulla Goddess Almighty lashings and
punishments - what an intolerant Duddess she was!
Nowadays She would be mightily ridiculed by the
remaining Charlie Hebdo caricaturists, and no one
would dare protest, at least by murdering the culpricks,
unlike them horrendabablous goons who
killed so many of the magazine’s artists
because they portrayed their prophet as a
warmonger. You should have seen some of these
crazy people screaming “Death to the West!”
across the world, burning churches, stores, cars
and flags, murdering innocent people, publishers
and Infidels in general - that’s us, who don’t
believe in ‘Allah Akbar the Splendiferous’
or in Muhammad. And since I don’t go for no
friggin religion, I would be fatwaed in all three
of them - the monomaniac ones. These folks
confuse Freedom of expreshun, with ‘Freedom
to burn and Kill’. Even the most disgusting
beasts are more humane than the Goddess forsaken manimals
who hate and eliminate anyone who doesn’t
think like them.
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