Haniya
by Albert Russo
The other evening, as we
were having dinner at Delio’s - I just
looove his turkey shawarma -, a ten-minute-walk
from our airbag lodging, we met Haniya, a tall
and sweet-looking girl of about 15. She and Delio
seemed to be buddies, on account that they were
joking like two college pals.
We immediately cottoned on
- another Shake’m Pears British expreshun,
meaning ‘to get on well’ … yeah, I
sometimes like to use them hoity toity
words. Who’s the writer here, may I jolly
well ask? -, and she offered to be my elder
sister.
When, after having licked
our chops, down, under and sideways, and sipped a
glass of fresh-made lemonade with mint leaves,
ready to munch on our delicious cookies filled
with ground dates, we learned the terrifying
story behind Haniya’s pretty and sooo loving
face. Well I nevvver!!! And, all of a sudden, I
didn’t want to have anything to do with her
anymore, either as an elder sister or friend,
jeezette, goddess almighty!
Listen to this, but you’d
better not repeat what I’m going to tell you,
if you don’t want me to send you an
explosive gift by priority mail. Yeah you heard
right, I’ve learned to make those thanks to
Miss Google.
Haniya who was one time an
illegal transgender immigrant from Jordan, lives
in a youth shelter managed by an Ethiopian lady
psychologist, not far from Delio’s.
No, I’m not a racist
like you, any decent LGBTeeter or Tigress can be
my friend, ok. So, stop pulling faces, or else I’ll
freeze that grimace of yours and you’ll look
like a toothless hyena for the rest of your life,
coz I’ve also studied witchcraft, which I
sometimes use when my uncle gets out of control.
Of course, he has no idea that his sudden fits
are caused by his dahling lil niece. And, believe
you me, he soon becomes as tame as Mini the Mooh.
Haniya fell in love with an
Israeli Arab hunk named Ahmad. He was so clean-shaven
looking and so well behaved that she never
expected what was going to follow. She could only
swear by him like he was prophet Muhammad The
First incarnated.
Before her brains
registered what spot she was in, she found
herself entangled in a murderous ploy, concocted
by her dashing lovey dovey. So, one night, half
stupefied - that’s when you get stupid,
without wanting to - thanks to the white powder
Ahmad had slipped into her glass of beer, she got
caught near the Gaza strip - it is governed by
the Hamas, a terrorist organization that promises
to wipe out all the Jews of Israel and take over
the country.
Ahmad stood twenty meters
in front of her, wearing a checkered black and
white keffieh, like the Palestinian protesters
who throw stones at Israeli soldiers guarding the
border. He was holding a hand grenade. Before he
could throw it, two guards caught him.
Meanwhile, alerted by her
colleagues, a female soldieress, ran toward
Haniya.
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