New Employee
Orientation Haiku
by Maury Levine
Welcome to your
job
You'll work here for a long time
Until you're burned out
We have flex schedules
Nights and weekends are required
Flex for us not you
Running late to work
Call your supervisor so
They can berate you
Employee parking
Is located down the street
Next to the crack house
Benefits offered
Are medical and dental
But you can't afford
Casual Friday
Wear fun groovy t-shirts with
Company logo
Fourteen days a year
We'll give you for vacation
Unless we're busy
We have fun at work
A committee makes us play
Mandatory games
A fun thing we do
Is have a contest for the
Most overtime worked
The employee gym
Is only for exercise
Don't have sex in there
Employee break room
Is for eating food only
Also no sex there
Get a promotion by
Working hard and waiting for
Coworker to die
Your job description
Be micromanaged by a
Narcissistic dick
Please don't quit this job
There's pizza in the break room
Please please please don't quit |
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