Toy Uprising -
1980s Style
by William P
Adams
Keir Bair,
after looking around to see if he’d been
followed, slipped into Armstrong's Bar, the
neighborhood watering hole on Kenner Avenue. The
portly Cubbage kids, Ruby and Dutch (all grown up
now), were seated at their regular table, engaged
in a lively cribbage game – a plate of
steaming Holishkes between them. Keir nodded to
the two siblings and noticed the matching elbow
patches on their shirtsleeves. He was relieved to
see Rainn-Bo Breit, looking absolutely stunning
in a multi-colored frock, sitting in a booth away
from the bar, and sat down across from her.
Immediately, Keir got the attention of Streich,
owner, bartender, and namesake of the
establishment, and held up two fingers. Streich
Armstrong went to work, and in the time it took
to eat a butter cookie, he placed two strawberry
shortcake daiquiris in front of the pair without
moving from behind the bar.
After throwing back the cocktail in one gulp,
Keir rubbed his fuzzy tummy and motioned for
Streich to bring two more. Rainn-Bo hadn’t
touched hers yet, and fixing her indigo eyes upon
her long-time boyfriend, spoke these words
inquiringly:
“What the deuce, Keir Bair… I take it
the meeting went rather unswimmingly?”
“That’s putting it mildly, Rainy…
Teddy Wrecks spins a tangled web of lies and
deceit. When he starts talking, there’s no
shutting him up with all his grandiose posturing.
It made me want to tear out my fur. And it didn’t
help matters by having his wormy sidekick, Grubsy,
by his side.”
“Yeah, I can’t stand that little bug-eyed
freak. Grubsy’s all arms and legs and does
everything Teddy says. Does Wrecks still think he’s
the Boss King Pin of Toyville?”
“Not only that, but Teddy has the backing of
that Skell, Tor Adora. It may be that we’re
on the brink of a full-scale turf war. I tell ya,
Rainy, dark clouds are forming over our beloved
homeland.”
“Well, we’ve got Prince Hey-man
Graystoke and Princess Shi-ra Powers – if
they can be persuaded to leave their mini-mansion
on Skull Mountain.”
“They’ll come down if they know that
miserable Skell, Tor is involved. My Bair
Brethren will back us as well, but the Pygmy
Ponies are rumored to be aligned with Wreck’s
crew.”
“Those little horsies? My, my… Teddy’s
scraping the bottom of the toybox with that herd.”
“You’re forgetting, Rainy, some of
those pretty darlings can change the weather and
move objects around at will.”
“Pish posh… my Color Belt will put the
kibosh on any equine shenanigans those pretenders
have in mind. I say bring it on, and let’s
get this plush party started!”
“I love that attitude, Rainy… but if
things go south, I have an ace-in-the-hole –
Jigantor and Meaty Mouse both owe me a favor, and
it might be time to cash in.”
“Yes!! We’ll go old-school medieval on
Teddy Wrecks and pin his worm-eaten carcass to
the Toyville Hall of Shame. There’s a great
mind inside your soft noggin, Keir Bair, that’s
why you’re the Top Shelf Toy!”
“Drink up, Rainy – we’ve got a lot
of work ahead of us.”
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