Who Killed
Goosey Gander?
by William P
Adams
Goosey Gander’s
feathers were ruffled, and he was spitting mad in
the meeting with his Consigliere, The Clever Hen.
She didn’t mince words when she clucked out
her objections to his new diabolical plan for
eliminating his chief competition for head Fowl
in the Mother Goose Land Barnyard. Goosey railed
against “that damn tarnal Little Red Rooster,”
who had no business interfering with the status
quo, flapping and hissing that “He acts like
Cock Robin did before I had that dandy offed,
struttin’ around like his droppings smell
sweet!” The Clever Hen admonished the out-of-control
Goosey that Little Red was in league with the
Hickety-Pickety Gang, who controlled the entire
north side of the Barnyard. “What do I care
about, some old biddies who lay rotten eggs!”
Goosey honked. “I’ll do that cock-a-doodle
son of a pullet just like I did his cousin!”
His Clever Consigliere bobbed her head obediently
but knew in her heart of hearts that the
narcissistic Gander was heading down a path to
destruction.
Poll Parrot, Goosey’s faithful lackey, flew
into the meeting with word that the Itsy-Bitsy
Spider, a Brown Recluse, was willing to do the
deed – Itsy came with solid credentials,
having been instrumental in putting a righteous
scare into Little Miss Muffet, and he wasn’t
at all averse to a little wet work. Goosey, with
a maniacal gleam in his eyes, hissed to Polly to
give Itsy the go-ahead.
The deal was set, and the day came when Goosey
would once and for all secure his superiority in
the Barnyard. He was on tenterhooks with
anticipation, pacing back and forth on the grass,
waiting for Little Red to visit his hen harem,
where Itsy Bitsy dangled in position. His Clever
Consigliere took him aside, clucking soothing
words of comfort, and the Gander relaxed,
reaching a state of centered serenity. She nodded,
then an arrow came whistling through the air and
into Goosey’s neck.
Later that day, a savory goose pie was set before
the King, and there was peace in the Mother Goose
Land Barnyard.
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