Once there was a girl named Tress,
Really she was a mess,
She had yellow teeth,
And blue hair,
and only one dress to wear.

Once there was a cat named Mittens,
But really it was, um… smittens,
It sat on a mat,
Ate a rat,
And eventually got killed by bat…
…………………That, wore a hat…

There was their old dog that was named shadow
Who had three legs,
One eye,
Was blind,
Was death,
Was found in an Tescos carrier bag,
But was the only one who could find the remote

And then there was Mum and Dad,
Who ran away to Trinidad
Their family drove them bonkers,
Because they beat them at conkers,
With their new names Mr. And Mrs. Shamily
The thought id would be safe to start a new family…

But that’s not the end,
The kids hunted them down,
Dragged them all the way back by the legs,
The parents were impressed,
Not at all ashamed,
They asked them, “why did you hunt us down, we thought you hated us too?”
They replied… “The FBI gave us free T-Shirts”.

…That is one weird family.