Five Flash
Fiction Pieces
by Barry Ergang
AUTO-NEUROTIC
Dennis Toomey
has the mechanical aptitude of a platypus,
Steckler thought, wondering why he didn't drink
more. He saw Toomey's type every semester: the
nerd who couldn't tell a piston from a knitting
needle, who took Automotive Shop only because the
school district required it.
Bent over the
engine he and the class were rebuilding, Steckler
said to him, "Hand me the wrench."
"Uh...which
kind?"
Steckler
strove mightily to avoid grinding his teeth.
"Socket, Toomey!"
Published
at Flashshot May 5, 2005
*****************************
GRATITUDE
Exiled from
his birth country for many years, the vampire
spared one of the young women his servants
captured--a woman from his homeland--and demanded
she tell him of it. Nightly released from her
cell, a terrified Scheherazade, employing
dilatory embellishments she enchanted him with
descriptions of cities, villages, and people that
evoked his distant youth.
On the fifth
night, her store of information and creativity
exhausted, she tremblingly awaited her fate.
"You've
given me great pleasure," the vampire said.
"I must show my gratitude."
Hope flared in
her breast. "Freedom?"
His gaze
impaling her soul, he bent toward her with a wide
grin. "Fangs for the memories."
Published
in Mystery Island's e-book Ghosts Inside the
Machine, 2005
*****************************
THE PITCH
Seated behind
his capacious desk, cigar clamped in the corner
of his mouth, the producer said, "This'd
better be an improvement over your last script."
The writer
cleared his throat. "It's a romantic comedy.
Gerald's a...well, not a slob, but haphazard
about his appearance. He goes to a clothing store
to outfit himself for an interview and meets
Ella, a fastidious young woman who works
there. An attraction develops when she helps put
together his wardrobe, and they start to date.
Their relationship is rocky for a while, but
eventually they realize they're perfect for each
other."
"Gotta
name for it?"
"The
working title is 'Ella Fits Gerald.'"
Published
at Flashshot November 12, 2005
*****************************
SIN, YOU SINGERS
"Sinning
is in our souls, our nature," said Ottrah,
the cult's leader. "Rejoice in your
imperfections. Sin honestly, openly, that all may
know, and I shall grant absolution for each
transgression. Sin deceitfully, and you shall be
eternally tainted by that sin."
Three days
later, the choirmaster confessed that he had
slept with five different women in the choir.
"Do they
know you have been with all of them?" asked
Ottrah. "Do their husbands know?"
"No."
"Did you
intend to tell them?"
"I'm not
sure--"
"Uncertainty
betrays you. You are damned for your dishonest
sin."
"No, no!
I swear--it was a frank sin, Ottrah!"
Published
at Flashshot February 10, 2006
*****************************
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA
PADRÉ
The infamous
bandit known only as Padré Chico kidnapped the
Italian ambassador Signor Parmesano and his
daughter Mozzarella during their journey across
the Sierras.
"You are
a queso grande*," Chico told Parmesano.
"Your government will pay well for your safe
return."
A United
States cavalry troop, accompanied by an Indian
scout, set out to rescue the dignitary and his
daughter. The elusive Padré Chico had clearly
striven to cover his tracks, but on the troop's
fifth day out, the scout knelt on the dusty plain
and pointed to telltale depressions in the dirt.
"We're on
the right trail," he said. "Those are
definitely Chico marks."
Published
at Flashshot July 25, 2005
*Big cheese
*****************************
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