Mamma Always
Said What She Meant
by Pamela Tyree Griffin
Mamma always
said that if you couldn’t say anything nice,
keep your mouth shut. Truth was she had a way
around this in almost every situation. Daddy used
to say that she could compliment somebody without
complimenting them at all and they never knew the
difference.
One time at
church, Mrs. Eva Mosey wore a perfectly horrible
little number. It was a tight, red dress barely
covering her gigantic breasts. To top it off it
was populated with yellow and green flowers that
Mamma said looked like cat spitup. But to Mrs.
Mosey Mamma said, “Eva dear you are sure
wearing that dress!” This caused Mrs. Mosey
to sit a little taller in the pew as she smiled
at Mamma. She said, “Why thank you Mrs.
Jones-you're so sweet to notice.” See what I
mean?
Another time
at the grocery store, Archibald the manager
offered to take our groceries to the car. He was
bald - really no pun on his name intended - fat
and chomped on chewing tobacco like it was candy.
Mamma said he stunk like a something between a
smoke stack and a chicken and he looked like an
engorged tick.
After he put
our groceries in the car, he asked Mamma who was
a widow by then, if he could come by and see her
sometime. She smiled at him saying,
“Don’t know when on earth I would
ever be quite ready to sit in a closed room with
a man such as yourself.” Archibald, who had
no idea he’d been insulted, chuckled and
closed the trunk. “Maybe another time then
Mrs. Jones-another time.” See what I mean?
I married
Roscoe Lee Taylor. He wasn’t rich. He
certainly wasn’t handsome. But he was good
to me, went to church, had a full time job and
worked almost every day on seeding the earth. And
I must say he wielded a mighty shovel. Of him
Mamma said, well never mind what she said.
After a while
Roscoe Jr. was born. He was a good baby and in
typical baby style, he knew no strangers. He
looked just like his daddy. And when his
grandmother beheld him for the first time she
said to me, “Myra sweetheart - now
that’s a baby!”
See what I
mean?
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