The Ultimate
Modern Humor Article
by Roger Freed
Researchers at
various humor think tanks and humor websites have
been exhaustingly searching for clues on how to
adapt comic articles to our modern times. With
the increased dumbing down of the intellect
imposed on the public by our schools, magazines
and entertainment industry and the decreased
attention span that comes with it, it has become
increasingly difficult for the humor providers of
this nation to give the masses their daily doses
of ha-ha's in a multi-paragraphed format that isn't
too strenuous for them.
This debility
has lead to much clinical testing and research on
the part of comic franchises that depend on humor
as the drug of choice to provide to their legions
of fans. It is quite annoying when the patronage
falls asleep before getting to the second
paragraph or answers their incoming text message
never to return to the very funny article they
were reading about how the neighbors dog chewed
all the fur off the writer's cat or how aliens
abducted a man's typical suburban housewife and
returned her as sexy as Sophia Loren in her hey-day.
Scientists
hired to do research work in this field have
spent many unfunny days doing studies on whatever
green college freshman needed the three bucks
offered to take part in the experiments. Giving
each experimentee several articles to read of
varying length and difficulty of language in
reading, the laugh scientists then gauged the
reaction time, the level of laughter induced and
the nodding off point of each article. A vast
gamut of reactions was recording ranging from
falling off the chair laughing to falling off the
chair in zombie like boredom. Of course, some of
the interviews led to the possibility of sexual
intrigue with the interviewee, much of which
ended up being as humorous as the intended
subject matter.
After months
of arduous work on the matter the intrepid
researchers have winnowed the humor article down
to an absolutely basic element from which all
humor articles can be built. This would be the
penultimate article; the minimalist atomical
particle possible. Now, with all research
analyzed and double checked and concluded with
other humor study fields throughout the world, it
can be revealed to the public.
This is the
most basic humor article possible:
'fart'.
From this building block can all future humor
articles find their foundation and build upon.
With that the
scientific teams were satisfied with their work
and moved on to other more serious subjects, like
trying to identify if rats could discern the
different flavors of cheese on a four cheese
pizza or if grey whales can hit a low bass B flat
when singing.
Thank you for
reading this article and please wake up anyone
reading it with you.
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