A Feghoot to
Purge the Spirit
(Read this, then
please don't call me in the morning.)
by Dr. Art Bupkis
(Feeling sick?
No? You will.) The Case of the Farmer,
the Goose, and the Judge:
Once upon a
time a poor farmer in Washington State owned a
goose. It was just about all he had. Still, he
never thought of eating his goose, for it
provided fine waterproof feathers that the farmer
could sell to local fletchers. Hunting arrows
were in high demand in rural east Washington for
elk hunting.
The problem
was that the goose kept biting the farmer's
neighbors. The neighbors went to court, hoping to
get an order to cook the farmer's goose.
When the
Circuit Judge heard all the arguments, he had a
simple solution: Muzzle the goose.
The farmer
said he'd never heard of such a thing for a bird.
The judge explained patiently that the device had
curved wood strips above and below, with stiff
wires in between. It slips over the bird's
bill, and leather straps around the head hold it
on. Side snaps on the wooden strips allow
easy opening of a front section that swings on a
hinge, just like a gate, for feeding.
The farmer
objected again that he'd never heard of such a
ridiculous item; the Judge must be joking.
The judge
responded angrily, "Mr. Farmer, I'm about to
find you in contempt of court. Why everyone
around here's heard of "bill gates"!
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