isnt your typical blind date. Dating in the
dark takes the experience to a new level. The
guys are one side and the girls on the other.
They can hear each other, they can learn about
the other participants, but they never see each
other. Visually impaired guys who deal with this
situation every day lead the participants through
the event. (CNN feature, Nov. 23, 2009)
doing the online dating thing for awhileMatch,
Nerve, Jdate, OkCupid, you name it. But the most
horrifying experience came from my buddys
invitation to join him at a real blind date.
Meeting chicks with the lights off. I was ushered
into a room by a guy with a white cane who told
me my date was on the other side of
names Julie, a voice said.
Im 23, a 5-foot ten blonde, wealthy
and a doctor in neurologythat thing with
the nerves and all.
minute, I exclaimed, what
thing with the nerves? Although
not expressly forbidden, I reached across in the
dark to find her hand. I came up with a paw
she said, Im sorry. You know that bit
about no one really knows youre a dog when
youre online? I thought it would apply here
too. Im really a greyhound trapped in a
German shepherds body.
Next date! I
heard someone sit down as the chair squeaked.
Then a second and third chair squeaked. A plummy
voice said Im Ingrid and men say
Im full of life. My misfortune is being a
slow vehicle in the fast lane. I detected a
note of Weltschmerz tinged with angst.
okay. There are plenty of slow vehicles in the
tunnel of love. Where are the other two girls I
just me. All of me. Ive been trying to lose
a pound or two, but my problems glandular.
Oh my God, I
thought. She meant her salivary glands, and the F
word escaped my lips.
she huffed. I expected a more articulate
comment! You could have said obese, corpulent,
oleaginous, stout, plump. You could have called
me Gargantuan, a King Kong among queens, Godzilla
suffering a snack attack. A whopper, a thumper, a
hippopotamus, a whale, leviathan. Im
I slid into a
third chair of opportunity as the facilitator
shouted a three-minute warning. A melodious voice
welcomed me. I sensed the turgid excitement
coursing from her lips. She offhandedly confessed
she acted like a lady in the living room, a
mother in the kitchen and a hooker in the bedroom.
As the seconds flew by, I was on the verge of
jumping over the barrier and gripping her in my
lights came up and I was facing my ex
girlfriendthe one who had proven to be a
mother in the bedroom, a lady in the kitchen and
a hooker in the living room.
do blind dates anymore.