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Breaking News
by Michael S. Collins

V/O
We interupt this show to give you breaking news in Scotland. Take it, John and Elaine.

Cuts to scenes outside Holyrood Palace. Mobs of journalists and television crews are stationed on the steps watching a car stationed at the foot of the stairs. We cut to two distinguished looking journalists on the steps of the Palace. John speaks all his upcoming lines with a style of utter conviction and seriousness about them, whilst Elaine seems more easily taken in by the little things, and is more childlike.

JOHN
Hello, I'm the light handsome one....

ELAINE
I'm the cool sexy dark one...

JOHN
And this is the breaking news from outside Holyrood Palace, where it is believed Scottish First Minister Jack Devine is not only inside that very car, but is about to get out and make an announcement which will shake scottish politics to its foundations. What do you think of that Elaine?

ELAINE
Nice car, isn't it?

JOHN
Oh, a lovely car, certainly, a lovely car. Seems to have a burgeiose sense of antique spirituality about it.

ELAINE
It's a Ford, John.

JOHN
Exactly. And it appears prudent to note the registration plate is "E76 8756". That is the registration plate of the car situated behind us which many believe Scottish First Minister Jack Devine will appear from soon and deliver his message.

ELAINE
John?

JOHN
Yes, Elaine?

ELAINE
There is some mud on one of the tyres.

JOHN
Well, ladies and gentlemen, can you believe it, there is some mud on one of that cars tyres. Where has it been, and what have the occupants been discussing? It sends shivers down the spine....oh wait a second, the door is opening.

The door of the car opens and stock footage of  Jack Devine stepping outside, flanked by a bodyguard. He takes one step forward and the swarm dives on him.

REPORTERS
Mr Devine, Mr Devine......

The man who got out the car looked nothing like the First Minister, and more like a drunk student.

“JACK”
Ladies and gentlemen.....

JOHN
Here we go, the big announcement from Scottish First Minister Jack Devine.

Devine looks upwards, and points at the sky. He is VERY stoned!

“JACK”
I think it's going to rain. Good day.

The bodyguard barges through the reporters for Devine to make his escape into Parliament.

JOHN
There you have it. Scottish First Minister Jack Devine thinks it will rain. This was breaking news live from the BBC. Now back to your original scheduled programming.