Breaking News
by Michael S.
Collins
V/O
We interupt this show to give you breaking news
in Scotland. Take it, John and Elaine.
Cuts to scenes outside
Holyrood Palace. Mobs of journalists and
television crews are stationed on the steps
watching a car stationed at the foot of the
stairs. We cut to two distinguished looking
journalists on the steps of the Palace. John
speaks all his upcoming lines with a style of
utter conviction and seriousness about them,
whilst Elaine seems more easily taken in by the
little things, and is more childlike.
JOHN
Hello, I'm the light handsome one....
ELAINE
I'm the cool sexy dark one...
JOHN
And this is the breaking news from outside
Holyrood Palace, where it is believed Scottish
First Minister Jack Devine is not only inside
that very car, but is about to get out and make
an announcement which will shake scottish
politics to its foundations. What do you think of
that Elaine?
ELAINE
Nice car, isn't it?
JOHN
Oh, a lovely car, certainly, a lovely car. Seems
to have a burgeiose sense of antique spirituality
about it.
ELAINE
It's a Ford, John.
JOHN
Exactly. And it appears prudent to note the
registration plate is "E76 8756". That
is the registration plate of the car situated
behind us which many believe Scottish First
Minister Jack Devine will appear from soon and
deliver his message.
ELAINE
John?
JOHN
Yes, Elaine?
ELAINE
There is some mud on one of the tyres.
JOHN
Well, ladies and gentlemen, can you believe it,
there is some mud on one of that cars tyres.
Where has it been, and what have the occupants
been discussing? It sends shivers down the spine....oh
wait a second, the door is opening.
The door of the car
opens and stock footage of Jack Devine
stepping outside, flanked by a bodyguard. He
takes one step forward and the swarm dives on him.
REPORTERS
Mr Devine, Mr Devine......
The man who got out the
car looked nothing like the First Minister, and
more like a drunk student.
“JACK”
Ladies and gentlemen.....
JOHN
Here we go, the big announcement from Scottish
First Minister Jack Devine.
Devine looks upwards,
and points at the sky. He is VERY stoned!
“JACK”
I think it's going to rain. Good day.
The bodyguard barges
through the reporters for Devine to make his
escape into Parliament.
JOHN
There you have it. Scottish First Minister Jack
Devine thinks it will rain. This was breaking
news live from the BBC. Now back to your original
scheduled programming.
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