Hahakabia
by Eric Miller
Her name was
Cougar Lugar, and she was a dental recruiter for
Gusher Oil. She handed her business card to Dr.
Chip Redstone as he stood at her booth at the
dental convention. He smiled as he read “We
suck, but only for oil, all over the world.”
“What do
you think?,” Cougar cooed.
“About
what?," Chip chirped, cluelessly.
“Adventure,
exotic places, an experience of a lifetime.”
“Gee, we
haven’t even formally introduced ourselves.
I really think it’s way too soon for me to
accept an invitation to your apartment.”
“Oh, what
I’m talking about is way better than my
place.”
“Well,
then, tell me more. Better than your place must
be very special.”
“Oh, it
is. It’s a faraway place where oil flows
like silver dollars spilling out of a slot
machine.”
“What
kind of oil are we talking about?”
“Black
gold,” she said, with a seriously, seductive
growl.”
“Black
gold doesn’t do anything for me.”
“But
there’s a lot of golden gold associated with
it.”
“Exactly
where is this faraway place?”
“Hahakabia.”
“God
bless you.”
“Why did
you say that?”
“Because
you sneezed.”
“No, I
just said Hahakabia.”
“Gesundheit!”
“Stop!
I’m not sneezing. I’m saying the name
of a country in the Mid-East.”
“Oh, well
then, I must state for the record, that I think
your place would be a far, far better place than
I have ever been before.”
“Doctor,
you are not taking me seriously.”
“Au
contraire, I am probably taking you way too
seriously for my own good.”
“What do
you mean by that?”
“Nothing
more than gushing testosterone.”
“Well,
suit yourself. You’re missing a great
opportunity.”
“In
Hahakabia?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.
Tell me about the bistros, brasseries, cabarets,
tapas bars, cinemas, and theater there.”
“They are
all culturally authentic.”
“Authentic
to what culture?”
“Theirs.”
“That’s
what I was afraid of.”
“There’s
nothing to be afraid of. We have an excellent
corporate security force.”
“The fact
that you need and have one is not reassuring.”
“You’re
a very hard sell, Doctor. You need to lighten up.”
So, exactly
where is Hahakabia?”
“It’s
sort of in the center of a triangle made by
Kakamania, Barbarastan, and Plaja.”
“You mean
it’s in the middle of nowhere.”
“No,
it’s somewhere.”
“Have you
ever been there, yourself?”
“No, the
company won‘t let me go there by myself. I
have to be accompanied.”
“If I
agree to go, will you go with me.”
“Oh no. I
couldn’t go to a place like that.”
“But I
could.”
“Certainly.
We want you, very much, to go there.”
“Is it
something I said?”
“Did you
say something I missed?”
“Yes,
pretty much everything.”
“So, will
you, or won’t you go?”
“Ha, ha.
You’re joking, aren’t you.”
“How
could I be joking. I am a recruiter. It’s my
job to get you interested.”
“Oh,
you’ve gotten me interested, very interested.
There is no doubt about that.”
“So,
you’ll go then?”
“Only to
dinner, here, tonight.”
“Stupid
me. I really thought I had won you over.”
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