No Pun Intended
by Eric Miller
It is general
speculation that my Auntie Bette is a hardcore,
inveterate, gambling addict, and I would venture
to say it is true that she can stake claim to
having led a risky life. But she says that she
just has a yen for wagering. On the chance that
you ever get to sit in a game of poker with her,
remember this advice: Don’t wildly raise the
ante when you play with my Auntie, because she
will call you many things, and loser will be one
of them, which you will be. And that’s when
you would be well advised to show some heart, to
stop trying to be a card, and to do a two-step
shuffle out of there. Now, I’m not trying to
club this advice into you, and I’m not
jesting, either. In fact, I’m playing it
straight. If there’s one thing
I’m not, it’s a joker, especially when
it comes to talking about her. All this being
said, I hope I have drawn you a clear picture of
my Auntie.
On the other
hand, it’s not that easy to deal with my
Uncle Monte either. He also has a style that
might not suit you too well, as he doesn’t
have any finesse. In fact, he carries a bit of a
chip on his shoulder, and many people find him a
royal pain. He actually prefers bridge to poker,
so you usually will see him bouncing around in
rubber games acting like a real dummy. Whatever
you do, don’t let him trick you into
following his lead. Avoid it at all costs,
otherwise he will slam-dunk his trump cards onto
the table in a bid to defy accepted convention.
May your pot
always be ample and your house flush with
fullness, no pun intended.
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