Three Recipes
by M. J. Nicholls
Boil in
the bag underpants. To prepare: remove packaging.
Place the underpants on pre-heated genitalia for
up to one hour. Drain sweat, urine and semen in
sink. Serve with garnish.
Oh, Frederick!
These are delicious! To munch on your luncheon is
truly divine. Why, you are a talented swine. Tell
me, Fredrick… those oven-ready bras we were
talking about… finished? I mean, Frederick,
I hate to bate the fête, but you did promise me
them two weeks ago. Never mind. Pour the
Beaujolais and toast to another day. Fabuloso!
Oven-ready
bras. To prepare: remove padding. Pre-heat the
oven to 200°C. Place the bra face up on a baking
tray for 35 mins. Turn over and cook for another
10 mins. Serves two.
Oh, Fredrick!
What a rotten idea! To nibble your kibble is
utterly hideous. Why, you have most certainly
lost it this time! I have no choice but to demote
you to booger boy or snot stevedore. No, I
mustn’t! Oh, remember those waffle-iron
gloves, those toaster socks, those barbecue
clickers! One more chance, Frederick. One more.
It better be fabuloso!
Sautéed
dungarees. To prepare: leave dungarees on a
barbecue overnight. Coat in gasoline and oil.
Optional: get into the dungarees first. Sauté
for an hour until golden black. Serves the
undertaker.
Oh, you swine!
You have killed me! You have served what I
deserved. Let these final words bring me revenge,
deliver me from thine terror! To think I trusted
you, despite the company spite! Let the days of
our acquaintance wither into dust with the
passing of time, the jellying of destiny, the
custarding of the Lord’s succour. Most
unfabuloso!
|
