Ups and Downs
from Marketing on the 34th floor. What a
character. Couple times a week Id find
myself with him in the elevator going down to the
street for a smoke. Our building on Park Avenue
has a lot of corporate big-time companies. Car
will stop at every floor till were all like
stuck together like a crayon box that's been left
in the sun.
hed shout when I got on at the 32nd floor.
It was show time for Cafferty! Listen to
this, man. You should have heard my girlfriend
Saturday. Big party over on Greenwich Avenue.
Hundreds of whack jobsyou know, MBAs and
About the 28th
floor, the car would stop for more people and
Caffertys voice would get more intense.
You havent met Anita, my girlfriend,
but shes kind of hyper. I was on the other
side of the room and I hear her shout. Somebody
dropped an ice cube down her, you know, this
effing gown shed just bought at
stop24th floorand I see people start
peeping out of the corner of their eyes. Cafferty
ignores them as hes spieling his story.
gives an unearthly howl like a cat that discovers
it cant fly off a rooftop. She turns on
this guy with a Yale sweater. A Yale sweater on
Greenwich Avenue. You ever hear of such a thing?
Were at the 14th probably. I see someone
running to catch the open door. A vice president
from a brokerage firm madly pounds his finger on
the Hold Button. Except it isnt the Hold
Button. Hes jamming the Close Doors
button, then shrugs weakly at the guy like
its Gods divine intervention.
screams, You did that on purpose and I
gotta return this dress tomorrow and get my money
back. Anitas always doing stuff like
borrowing clothes from Bloomies, Saks, Barneys.
the chase, Mike, I tell him. Were at
the 8th floor. The lobby is ten seconds away. The
vice president now is staring openly at Cafferty,
wetting his plants like the Dow has gone up 500
points. Some gray-haired pit bull secretaries are
shooting mental death arrows at Cafferty.
amazing thing, he continues. Anita
confronts this Yalie, smashes her wine glass
against the wall and pulls a pistol out of her
handbag. Youll never do that again,
she shouts, and then
the lobby. The doors open. Cafferty pushes to the
front and shouts over his shoulder.
Ill tell you later what happened.
What a character.
New York is
full of characters and their tales. Ask me about
the Amish guy and the elevator. The co-worker who
was trapped overnight in an elevator with a
Czechoslovakian cleaning woman. Or
is my floor and I have to get off.