THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Department Store Hijinks
by Wayne Carlan
Over the
holiday season we took the kids shopping at the
mall near our home town to get some ideas from
them for Christmas. So we walk into one of the
local department stores and go our separate ways
for a few minutes to look around. As I am making
my way back I see my son, Alex, at a display
table really engrossed in something. He sees me
and waives me over. Melissa is coming in the
opposite direction and he waives her over, too.
Alex says,
“Y’all come look at this cool game.”
So we get there and take a look but after a
minute we finally ask, “What is it?”
You see, there are four handles on this thing
each attached to a wire.
Alex says,
“Y’all each just pick up a handle,
it’s fun.” So I grab one handle and
Melissa grabs another. We just stand there for a
second and Melissa says, “Ok, now what?”
Alex explains to us that a light will begin to
rotate around the base of this thing and we are
to pull the trigger to see who can capture the
light first. It sounds easy enough, so we indulge
him a little. We both watch this light go round
and round, when I think I got it, I pull the
trigger. Then it happens!
I black out
for a second but I am still standing when I come
to. I feel this surge of electricity flowing
through my body. I can’t speak, my body
tenses up and my muscles contract causing my hand
to grip the handle tighter so I can’t let go
of it even though I want to throw it on the
ground! Melissa is looking at me like I have lost
my mind, Alex is laughing so hard he is crying
and I think he is about to pass out. (If he
doesn’t pass out, I plan to help him when
this dang thing decides to let go of me.)
Below my belt
I feel a warm sensation. I’m not quite sure
if it’s just the electric current or if I
have peed my pants… I’m afraid to look.
Alex reaches over and hits a button and it
finally turns me lose. Now Melissa is laughing at
me because she realizes what is happening but she
has not figured out that she should have let her
handle go.
Alex changes
the default button to her handle. (That’s my
boy. You’re off the hook son.)
Melissa’s
eyes cross, her laughing suddenly comes to a
screeching halt as she feeling the “love.”
Alex starts to hit the button to turn it off and
I say “Not yet son, she’s enjoying this.”
Slobber has officially found its way to her chin
and I give him the signal to shut it off. I
looked at Alex and say “Son, you better go.”
He takes off down the aisle as Melissa yells
“R-r-r-run F-f-f-forest r-r-r-run!”
Good times. I
tell ya what!
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