Eau de
Flatulence
by Michael C.
Keith
After years of
experimentation and research, Marvin Gupp finally
realized his lifelong goal. He had created a
product like no other––a product he was
certain would be welcomed universally, since it
addressed one of the most common problems facing
humankind. With his formula in hand, he dashed
off to the patent office to register it. The
clerk reviewed Gupp’s application with a
combination of amusement and bewilderment
“This is something you
have developed and wish to patent, sir?”
“Yes, that’s why
I’m here. Is there a problem?”
“Then you’re not
joking?”
“Why would I be joking
about a breakthrough as extraordinary as this one?”
“Well, it is extraordinary,
I’ll admit that, but . . .”
“Can you think of any
innovation that deals with something more
relevant and distressing to people?”
“Ah . . . well,
now that you mention it, I guess . . .”
“Haven’t you
yourself been embarrassed by this bodily function?”
“Admittedly, it is
something that can ruin a business meeting or
social gathering.”
“Indeed, everyone
finds it disgusting at its most malodorous. It
can destroy amorous liaisons and solemn occasions.”
“True, but are you
sure this particular result is what you wish to
produce with your invention?”
“Certainly. Can you
think of a more popular alternative?
“Perhaps the scent of
flowers or perfume . . .?”
“Oh, there’s
nothing even close to the world’s love of
this aroma.”
“So, you wish to
patent a product that converts the smell of farts
to that of bacon?”
“Exactly! Who doesn’t
enjoy the whiff of bacon?”
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