THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Fishin' With Paw In Law
by Wayne Carlan
Several years
ago my father in law, let’s call him Shot
Lee, and I went fishing in a Diamond Head bayou.
We were doing ok. Well, I was doing ok. Shot
always catches every dang fish in the water. He
says his secret is putting the hook in the
fish’s mouth. Whatever!
Anyway, he
hooks a big one that bends his rod almost in half.
He starts yelling at me to get the net, which I
did. I’m hanging over the side of the boat
waiting for him to wrestle it to the top of the
water so I can scoop ‘em up. The water
starts to churn and I’m half way over the
boat. I start to scoop until this monster decides
to stare me down. It was a freakin’
alligator!
I whip out my
knife and start to cut the line until Shot yells
“Nooooo!”
What the heck?
I know he ain’t thinking about keeping it is
he? I say “Shot, there ain’t enough
room in this boat for me and a gator, so make
your choice.” He says “Give me the net.”
Now we are
only about 20 feet from the bank but I’m not
about to jump in the water with a dang gator so I
have to time this just right. Shot pulls the
gator in the boat and then there’s a big
splash. He turns around and sees that I’m
practically walking on water. Michael Phelps
would have never won this race. My feet look like
a motor boat hauling butt. Every time I feel a
branch or a log I let out a screech that even
makes the birds stop chirping. The water was so
cold but every few feet I feel a warm spot. Stop
laughing…peeing on your self is not that
funny.
I finally make
it to shore and I look back at the boat, dripping
wet with seaweed hanging off of me and there
stands Shot in the boat with a 3 foot gator under
his arm. He yells “Wayne, where you going?
It’s just a baby.” I yell back
“Y’all have fun. Babies have mommas.
I’m going to the truck!”
I turn and
head off into the woods. Of course I get lost and
Shot is waiting on me at the truck by the time I
get there. I stop about 10 feet from the truck
and yell “Where’s the gator?” He
looks at me and yells back “I let him go.”
What?! You’ve got to be kidding! As soon as
he gets me home, it’s definitely payback!
I’m just sayin’.
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