THE DR.
PHILBILLY SHOW - Melissa's Snake
by Wayne Carlan
When the boys
were younger they had a bad habit of scaring me
with rubber snakes. I am deathly afraid of snakes
so they got a real kick out of watching me scream
like a twelve year old little girl when I came
home from work. I would through away the rubber
snake every time it happened but it always seemed
to find its way out of the trash and back into my
life once again.
One day
Melissa was in the laundry room doing the clothes
and she saw what she thought was the rubber snake
on the window sill so she grabbed it. To her
surprise it wrapped itself around her wrist and
all hell broke loose! She is screaming, freaking
out and fighting with a real snake. She even
managed to break out a window. Josh was the first
on the scene and she tells him to come get me. I
run down the hall to see what’s going on and
I see her with this snake wrapped around her arm
and she is yelling for me to help.
I run right
out the back door and she is screaming at me
“Where are you going?” I said
“I’m going to get help.” She
informs me that I am her help.
What the heck
am I going do? So I get a big knife and start
toward her which freaks her out even more. (Wayne
Carlan with a knife and a snake is not a good
combination, especially when the snake is on your
arm.) She starts running from me and I’m
chasing her telling her to stop. She bolts out
the front door screaming with me right behind her
waiving a knife.
The mail lady
had just closed our mail box lid when she
see’s us coming out of the house and you can
imagine the terror in her eyes. Melissa is
yelling “HELP ME” and I’m yelling
“COME BACK HERE.” The mail lady peals
out burning rubber and throwing rocks everywhere.
Melissa finally got the snake off of her and when
we realized that the mail lady probably thought I
was trying to kill her we waited patiently for
the sheriff’s department, who by the way,
never came. Neither did our mail for about 3 days.
I’m just sayin’.
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