Keys
by Eric Suhem
Where are my keys?
Burt was in his office, looking for his keys,
having trouble finding them. He thought they were
in his pants pockets or his briefcase, but no,
they weren’t! He looked in every drawer of
his desk, under the rug, up in the ceiling light
fixtures. He started pulling pictures of mallards
and ducks off the walls, but the keys
weren’t behind them. He overturned his desk,
and tore up the plaid cushions of the office
couch. Soon the entire office was in a shambles.
“Hmm…where could they be?” he said
to himself, a weird glint in his eye. He took out
an axe and started hacking holes in the walls,
searching through the building structure for his
keys.
Where are my keys?
Burt could not find his keys in the office, so he
walked down the hall to the elevator, maybe his
keys were in the car. There was an elevator
operator he had never seen before. “Hello
Burt, I am Mr. Pelican,” he said. “Join
me in the elevator, which will take us to the
stars. I had the nape of my neck shot off in the
war, but I still lead a productive existence as
‘Your Host on the Elevator’. You quiver,
you shake, but don’t worry, Burt, all will
be copasetic.” Burt looked at the elevator
operator suspiciously, just wanting to get to the
ground floor and look for his keys in the car.
The elevator door closed and the suspended cage
descended from the 40th floor to the 9th floor,
its door opening to reveal a corridor. “All
the doors in the corridor are closed, but behind
each one is a key to the evolution of your soul.
You will now have the opportunity to choose a
door, Burt,” said the elevator operator.
“One of the doors will yield immeasurable
enlightenment to you, and spread joy throughout
the world. Another door will strip you of all
purpose, and cast you off into space as a lumpy,
starchy vegetable, incapable of reason or emotion
throughout eternity. Which door do you choose?”
asked the elevator operator, blinking oddly.
“Just take me to the lobby, I want to get to
my car,” said Burt.
Where are my keys?
Burt arrived at the ground floor and was relieved
to find his ring of keys, though they were in the
car, unlocked. His life would go on stably and
uneventfully, though he would occasionally have
dreams of walking through an entryway in a dark
corridor, and opening a door. Burt would often
stroll through the park and stare at the ducks
and mallards. One day he saw a pelican in the
pond, clutching a key in its beak.
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