Sex, Lies and
Identity Theft
by Roz Warren
I just got an
email from a British website telling me they
couldn’t ship me the porn I’d ordered
because they were unable to verify my credit card
information. My smut would be on its way, they
assured me, the moment I got back to them with a
valid credit card. A copy of the order was
included. Someone using my email address had
ordered a dozen DVDs about “bad busty
girls” to be shipped to “me.” At
an address in England.
The idea that
someone out there is claiming to be me is
unpleasant enough. But their claiming to be a
porn-craving Roz Warren is extra creepy. Why
couldn’t they be trying to purchase
Masterpiece Theatre DVDs? Or gourmet cat food?
What about making a generous donation to Planned
Parenthood? I could almost get behind a crook who
stole my identity in order to make the large
charitable donations I’m too frugal to make
myself.
But bad busty
girls? Give me a break.
Years ago, my
mother’s wallet was stolen. Mom’s evil
twin took her credit cards to the airport
and proceeded to circle the globe, staying at
lavish resort hotels and eating gourmet meals.
Knowing she didn’t have to pay for any of it,
my mother, a frugal suburban housewife, got a
kick out of reading the monthly statements
describing “her” fabulous new life of
luxury world travel. That’s the silver
lining of identity theft -- it reminds you
there’s more than one way to live your life.
Did knowing that her Evil Twin was following her
bliss inspire Mom to live it up a little herself?
You bet it did! Thinking of her doppelganger
sipping champagne on the Riveria made it a little
easier for Mom to splurge on a new dress, or
treat her pals to lunch. Sure, she’d have to
pay the piper herself, but why let her Evil Twin
have all the fun?
That’s
what makes Fake Roz so disappointing. No jet-setter
wannabe, she’s just another porn-seeking
perv. There’s no way her choices are
going to challenge me to expand my horizons.
At least, I
certainly hope not.
I’ve
replaced my credit card, put a fraud alert on my
credit report and asked the porn site to cancel
the busty gals. I’ve also mailed a copy of
feminist scholar Andrea Dworkin’s book
“Pornography“ to Fake Roz at that
address in England. She’ll eagerly open the
package, expecting bad girls with big boobs.
Instead she’ll get an angry woman with a big
brain.
Suck on that,
Evil Twin!
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