The Oppression
of the Ziggernauts
by Zach Smith
They say that all
peoples must go through some hard times. What’s
strange about the Ziggernauts is that their
oppression didn’t really begin until
humanity had reached a general (if not universal)
respect for and tolerance of each other. In other
words, their oppression began when oppression in
general was ebbing.
Most people know
who the Ziggernauts are, but in case you don’t,
here is a brief history:
They first
appeared sometime in the mid to late 17th century.
There is a tale that the first Ziggernaut to find
himself in the presence of European royalty was
bathed in beer upon his arrival, and eventually
lost his head as well, but for different reasons.
In Asia they were not allowed to own land. It was
a rocky start, but things would get better.
Within a hundred
years or so, the Ziggernauts were present in
large numbers in all five continents,
assimilating themselves into just about every
culture imaginable. At the height of their
culture, they made up some 70% of the total world
population.
In the United
States the Ziggernauts suffered some oppression,
coming under scrutiny during the prohibition era.
The same went for those living in Nazi Germany,
but then again who wasn’t oppressed by the
Nazis? In both cases the oppression ceased
abruptly and they went on as before, unmolested.
In the late 20th
century there came a theory, backed by the “scientific”
data at the time, that the Ziggernauts as a
people were harmful. Research continued on the
culture, and each new study confirmed this theory
and the oppression of the Ziggernauts began. This
is always how oppression starts, group A is made
to feel threatened by group B, so group A
preemptively strikes.
The oppression
came slowly, piecemeal. Television spots that
celebrate the Ziggernauts were banned, replaced
with commercials that rallied the masses against
them. They were banned from getting life
insurance or teaching in public schools. Office
buildings designed special rooms for them that
went under the auspicious name of “lounge.”
Restaurants and public transportation segregated
them from the non-Ziggernauts.
Harsher and
harsher laws were passed. They endured special
taxations, piled on year after year. Restaurants
were required to outright deny service to the
Ziggernauts. They were forced outside of most
buildings. They had to stand ten, twenty, fifty
feet from the buildings, because the anti-Ziggernaut
factions, couldn’t stand to walk past them
Celebrities
revealed to be Ziggernauts were heavily ridiculed
by the media, but only during slow news cycles.
TV show that casually featured Ziggernauts had to
be censored, because just their image could
“corrupt the children.”
Eventually all
these practices were made redundant, by one final
law. The Ziggernauts themselves were made illegal.
Homes and building were searched, if Ziggernauts
were discovered, they were arrested. Today the
population has shrunk to an almost insignificant
fraction of what it once was, a percent of a
percent by some estimates.
But they still
exist.
On a camping trip
somewhere in the woods, during the fall, some
boys sitting around a camp fire might pull out a
white paper tube (called a Ziggarette), light it,
breathe in the smoke, pass it around for the
others, and another Ziggernaut is born.
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