An Adage
Disproved
by Jerry
Constantino
You
never saw two guys looking so much alike.
When Bob and Jim were together, even at 60, they
still got stares wherever they went. Being
identical twins has its blessings...and curses.
The similarities ran deep...same gait, mannerisms,
habits, cars, families (one girl, two boys),
neighborhood, hobbies, etc. But at least, they
hadn't worn the same clothes since mom stopped
dressing them for pre-school... except on rare
occasions when their almost identical minds came
up with identical choices out of their closets.
It was Jim
who got the first new Cut-Rite bench saw for his
woodworking shop in the garage. "Slickest
thing you ever saw, Bob...but heavier than a ton
of feathers. Need your help to get it out of the
pick-up and put it together."
With sweat
stains discoloring their identical 'Measure
twice, cut once' tee shirts, Bob
said, "Lets set this bugger up and see what
she can do"... or was it Jim?
It only took
an hour before Stephanie opened the garage door
and hollered over the din, "What is that God-awful
whine that's making the dog go crazy?"
Well-satisfied
with the set-up and initial test of the new saw,
the brothers almost fought for the right to cut
that first 2x8 into meaningless pieces. "Here...
I'll hold this end and we'll do it together."
"No,
stupid. That's too dangerous. Not that way...
Stop it Bob... Oh Jesus!"
It only took
seconds before blood discolored the shiny steel
top and three loose fingers were lying impossibly
askew with a fourth on the floor in a pile of
sawdust.
Stephanie
called Shari and the wives had their boys on the
way to the ER in minutes, with the loose digits
in an ice-cooled plastic bag on Jim's lap. Shari
scolded, “Won’t you two EVER grow up?”
The brothers, broodingly reflective, didn't have
what it took to point a finger at one another.
"Nurse.
Prep-'em We're going to put those fingers back on."
The ER was abuzz with activity as the brothers
were made ready. Jim was wheeled into OR1, Bob,
next door in OR2...or was it the other way around?
"Operations
successful," the doctors happily reported,
and Stephanie and Shari sighed almost in unison.
It wasn't
till two days later that the hospital realized IT
WAS the other way around-- Bob was in OR1, Bob's
fingers in OR2 and visa-versa. But with identical
twins, it still, amazingly worked!
When the
boys and their spouses were told, it was Jim that
started to laugh first...from a smile to a giggle
to a red-faced, almost apoplectic, 'can't-catch-your-breath'
guffaw. "Well," he said with tears in
his eyes after he had finally re-gained some
composure, "I guess that disproves that."
"Beg
your pardon?" said Bob, totally out of the
loop on what was so funny.
"When
we were kids, you always said,
You can pick your friends...
And you can pick your nose...
But you can't pick your friend's n..."
Before he
could finish, Stephanie calmly emptied her luke-warm
coffee on Jim's head and their world was back to
normal...as if it ever was.
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