Make Love, Not
Pickleball
by Jerry Guarino
May 4th, 2027
Berkeley, California
It’s been a few years
since the country was turned over to a
sociopathic dictator. The dystopian nightmare has
been realized. Currency has been replaced by a
crypto card, doubling as a personal ID. People
are allotted monetary value based on their
political servitude to the leader. Each citizen
must wear a ring that transmits data to a
governmental department. It also tracks women’s
ovulation status and if they become pregnant.
That status is forwarded to a local police
station for interrogations.
Most Latinos have been
deported or put into camps. African Americans
have also been downgraded to second-class status.
Only Caucasian people are free to travel,
purchase luxury items, or have children. The
dictator has recruited people from Nordic
countries to live here, giving them tax breaks
and homes once owned by the liberal elite. So,
places like Palo Alto, Beverly Hills and La Jolla
have been repopulated.
The government control is
overwhelming. Women are prohibited from sex
outside of marriage and abortion is illegal
unless of course, the woman is part of the second-class
population; then abortion is enforced in a
designated medical camp.
Since the inauguration, the
leader withdrew our membership in NATO, leaving
the European countries to defend themselves from
Russian aggression and Iranian cyberattacks.
Attacks on Poland and Moldova are in progress.
Millions of people in Europe are emigrating to
countries like Switzerland, Norway and Sweden.
Germany is fighting to stop a right-wing
candidate from staging a coup. Thousands of
Americans are moving to Canada daily, eating Tim
Horton’s donuts and watching hockey 24/7.
Pickleball has become a
national sport. Each adult must play daily. The
ring transmits scores to a government database.
Each time you win, your currency allotment is
increased. So, it has turned from a friendly
exercise pastime for seniors into a blood sport
that rewards aggression and bullying.
However, one resistance
movement was led by a group of seniors from the
1960s hippy subculture. Their headquarters is in
Berkeley, where so many liberal protests began.
They fashion their rebellion after the Star Wars
characters. They even celebrate May 4th in
costume.
Many of the old crew were
there:. Jimi, Janice, Tim, and Carole1.
They met at Alice’s diner2
because it was fully stocked. The jukebox was
filled with classic rock hits, the themes from
the Superman and Mission Impossible movies, Dream
is Collapsing by Hans Zimmer, and Discombobulate
from Sherlock Holmes. Finally, they have
repurposed The Imperial March from Star Wars
because they have become the resistance.
Fortunately, the resistance
had thousands of tech-savvy professionals. Their
goal was to disrupt that evil government’s
goals while staying under the radar. They stayed
in touch with Alice’s diner through a
sophisticated, stealth server, deus ex
machina. They hacked the government servers,
sent self-destructive communications among the
rulers and created chaos everywhere. They even
created an online television channel, Woodstock,
that refuted propaganda and exposed the lies. The
access for this channel was highly secured and
only given to people loyal to the resistance. The
government couldn’t find it or shut it down.
So, it was the one tool the resistance had to
fight back.
Janice called a meeting.
“We must find a way to
overthrow this evil. Defending ourselves is not
enough.”
Jimi agreed.
“We need a new anthem,
something to rally the resistance. I’ve been
working on it.”
Tim nodded.
“Yes, an anthem is a
universal statement, something we can hum to
ourselves even if we are in custody.”
Carole spoke next.
“It’s not too
late. We mustn’t give up hope.”
Alice overheard the
conversation.
“Could we get help from England or Australia?
They are strong democracies, at least for now.”
“The government tracks
all communications to democracies. They would
discover our movement.”
Tim had a thought.
“Maybe we could spike
the drinks of government officials with LSD or
another mind-altering substance. That would at
least cloud their brains.”
Alice chimed in.
“A tablet, like a
fizzy, colorless and odorless, dropped into their
alcohol and soft drinks. We can call it an energy
booster.”
Carole smiled.
“Our ex-pats in Canada
can manufacture it and deliver it through an
underground railroad. And we’ll need a
marketing plan to advertise the benefits of, hmm.
What should we call it?”
Jimi had it.
“How about Tang, the
old astronaut drink? That should obscure the
nefarious intent.”
Everyone nodded and smiled.
“What about a side
effect, something that would upset them even more?”
“If Tang also caused
impotence, along with the acid trip. They wouldn’t
realize they had been drugged and we can go on
peacefully living our best 60s lives.”
So the Canadian ex-pats
created Tang, sent it to the states and
distributed it in places the evil officials
visited: bars, strip clubs, and Republican
functions. Soon, their reign of terror began to
crumble.
Woodstock programming was
also working. People realized the evil the
country was in and began resisting, even in minor
ways, giving tips to waiters or being kind to
service workers. That helped the second-class
citizens to unite.
The government leaders
began to fall. They stayed home drinking whiskey
with a Tang booster and gave up their plans for
world domination.
And they couldn’t make
love or play Pickleball anymore!
1-Jimi
is Jimi Hendrix
Carole is Carole King
Tim is Timothy Leary
Janice is Janice Joplin
2-Alice
is Alice’s restaurant
Make
Love, Not Pickleball by Jerry Guarino
Copyright Novermber, 2024 – All Rights
Reserved
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