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January 7, 2013 - 8:28 P.M.
by Trevor Roe

Hey, Katie—it’s Derek. Sorry I missed your call late last night; I was busy tying up some loose ends. I guess we’ll have to play phone tag for a bit. So to respond to your message, I agree, we should finally meet face to face. As far as the date idea goes, I’m cool with just dinner for our first date. Now I’ve got a great idea as to how we should go about it. Wouldn’t it be funny if we dressed up like we were going to a five-star restaurant, though we’ll actually be going to a regular sit-down restaurant? I was thinking something like Longhorn Steakhouse, Outback Steakhouse, or Applebee’s. Everyone will be staring at us, thinking “What on earth are they doing here dressed like that?” and we’ll feel so high because of all the attention we’ll be getting. I’ll dress up in my dashing suit and tie outfit—J.T.!—and you can wear an elegant dress with high heels; I love my women tall. But anyways, I’ll pick you up at your place at 7, which by the way, you’re gonna have to give me your address and we’re gonna have to come up with the date of our date—ha, I’m so funny. I’m available any night next week, except for Wednesday night—that’s the night I have class at college. So whichever day works best for you, we’ll do it then. So back to the first date details: I’ll swing by your place, I’ll drive us in my car to the restaurant, we’ll eat and get to know each other better, then I’ll drive us back to your place. Although, I do have some more ideas involving the two of us before our date is over…I just hope you’re willing. Anyways, I’ve got something incredible that I’ve got to share with somebody, and it might as well be you. So yesterday, I attended this Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting just to see what it was all about. Now don’t start thinking bad thoughts—I’m not a sex addict—I’ve only had sex a couple times. But anyways, I sat in on the meeting, and this one guy surprised everybody when he said he was a date rape addict. I was very intrigued at what he had to say, and he basically told everyone that he needed God’s help and prayers from everybody who would listen and that he would never go on another date without a third person supervising. It really amazed me that there are men in this world that would take advantage of a woman—so terrible and sad—makes us guys start to believe that a woman is only good for cooking, cleaning, and pleasure, and that guys can do whatever they want when the man and woman are alone. But don’t worry, Katie, I’m not one of those men. So that’s my story. I’ll be looking forward to hearing your responses, hopefully without an answering machine this time. Bye, Katie.