On The Road With
Springsteen
by Bill Naylor
I was
travelling around Australia. Money was tight, so
I decided to take a slow train. The kind of slow,
where you can get out of the train, walk
backwards on your knees, and still overtake the
train. Being informed luggage travelled free on
the train. I decided to leave mine, obtain a
refund on my ticket, and thumb a lift on the
adjacent highway. I’d hardly started
hitching when a truck stopped. The passenger door
swung open, and a bald headed little guy leaned
out of the cab.
“Wheels
are faster than boots buddy.”
“You
going to Sydney?”
“You
bet”
Once inside
the truck I realised our driver was out of touch
with reality. In fact it was doubtful the two had
ever got acquainted.
“Didn’t
catch your name.”
“Bill.”
“Hi Bill,
the names Bruce Springsteen.”
I smiled a wry
smile.
“Love
your music. I suppose people comment on your name
all time.”
He shrugged.
“I’m
Bruce Springsteen, comes with the territory. Want
some sweeties?”
Bruce offered
me a jar of assorted coloured tablets, and kept
tossing these back in his throat at regular
intervals.
“I’m
a health freak. Can’t function without them.”
Considering by
the way Bruce kept twitching and rolling his eyes,
he couldn’t function properly with them
either. He was also under the illusion he’d
picked up two people.
“So why
do you two want to go to Melbourne?”
“I
don’t want to go to Melbourne. I’m
going to Sydney!”
“Don’t
keep changing the destination guys, I have a
schedule; Sydney right?”
“That’s
right.”
“Then
Sydney it is. The customer is always right.
I’m always wrong. Oh look it’s raining;
I guess that’s my fault too. Bad weather,
just blame old Bruce. Whoa! did you see that.”
Bruce suddenly swerved cursing loudly. “What
the hell was that guy doing out here on a
skateboard? ”
I felt I
needed to keep talking, as the conversation Bruce
was having with himself was becoming increasingly
bizarre.
“We’ll
soon have you two in Melbourne.”
“You mean
Sydney!”
“You guys
still can’t make up your mind. But
you’re going to Sydney whether you like it
or not. See I trust people, but people don’t
trust me. The guy in the diner didn’t trust
me.”
“Which
guy was that Bruce?”
“The guy
who this truck belongs to.”
Suddenly Bruce
pulled off the road.
“I feel
sea sick. Keep seeing waves. We’ll have to
take your car”
“I
haven’t got a car, your giving me a lift
remember.”
“What
about your pal?”
Two police
cars drew up in front of the truck.
Guns drawn,
just as Bruce started to sing “Born in the
USA” they ordered us on our knees. After
taking a statement, the police drove me to a bus
station. When I arrived at the depot in Sydney to
collect my luggage, a surprise awaited me:
While
accompanied baggage travelled free on the train,
unaccompanied luggage was charged full passenger
fare. Another downside to being on the road with
Springteen.
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