The Philosophy
of Shouting
by Roger
Pattison
If I knew what
I was doing (re: internet-things) I am told (mostly
by people I’ve never seen in my life) that I
should put a reference to the TITLE, VERY EARLY
IN A BLOG. (No I haven’t accidentally put
the ‘caps lock’ on; that was meant to
be SHOUTED.) And then there are all sorts of
other folks telling me about H1 and H2 and H3,
none of which convey anything at all. I know a
bit about the H-bomb, and I don’t like that
at all, so I imagine that I don’t like the
other ‘H’s’ either.
This is where
we get to the PHILOSOPHY OF SHOUTING.
The point I
make is this. If I know about SEARCH ENGINE
OPTIMISATION, and VERTICAL SEARCHES, and
HORIZONTAL SEARCHES (you lay down for them) and
SEAWARD-SKYWARD SEARCHES (I just made them up),
then, without knowing anything else at all (in
other words being a vacuous old git; so
what’s new?) I could disseminate this
absolute dearth of brain activity to millions.
And much good might it do them.
On the other
hand (that’s the one I have my jam sandwich
in) if I happened to be the possessor of the
Infinite Clue, the answer to Life, the Universe,
and Everything; and put it on my blog, the
chances are that my dog might get a read of it.
Eventually. That’s if my dog could read and
if I had one.
I don’t
actually see much difference between knowing the
ins and outs of the processes of promotion on the
internet, and SHOUTING. How can I put my point
more succinctly?
Let’s say
we have two perfectly reasonable human beings sat
next to each other on their little computers.
That might be a problem depending on the day.
Monday is a bad day to look for these two
perfectly reasonable human beings, as they are
outnumbered by an astronomic number of
unreasonable ones. Friday would be a better day.
Let that go. We will, however unlikely, have
found two perfectly reasonable human beings to
sit in front of two perfectly reasonable
computers.
The first one
(who we will call Dufrace Moribund, for no good
reason actually) writes on his computer: I AM
VERY GOOD SO PAY ME A LOT OF MONEY. He then gets
all his tags right, employs SEO websters and all
the other stuff, and gets paid millions per click.
So far as I know.
On the other
hand (at this time free, because I’ve been
eating my jam sandwich) Fountainburg Slurry has
just invented a matter transporter that can be
built from a shoebox and two bits of elastic, and
is happy to give it away on the Internet. Except
he only knows about matter transporters you can
knock up from a shoebox, and nothing about
SEO’s etc…etc…
Centuries
later, this is discovered by the remains of the
human race (which is a rock on Planet Grunt) the
rest of it having been decimated by ravages of
global warming that everybody could have avoided
by knocking up their own shoe-box matter
transporter. Instead they (we) all fried
shouting…… “I AM GOOD SO PAY ME A
LOT OF MONEY”. If you see what I mean.
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