One Day in the
Garden
by Wayne Scheer
Adam was trying to sleep,
but Eve was in one of her moods.
"I'm not happy, Adam," she said. "I
know I have everything I need, but there must be
more to life than this?"
"Huh? More? We get to eat, fool
around, and sleep as late as we want. What
more is there?"
"But we can't eat from the Tree of Knowledge?
Don't you want to know what a shiny red apple
tastes like?"
"It's probably good. But so are pears
and strawberries and figs. Now
kumquats, that's another story. God must
have been thinking about something else when He
made those. And kiwis? How are
you supposed to eat them, anyway?"
Eve grabbed Adam's face with both of her hands.
"Adam. Focus. I was talking
about apples."
"Watermelons and oranges. God was on
top of His game when He made them."
"APPLES!" She yelled. "Don't
confuse apples and oranges!"
"Hey, don't shout, baby. You wanna
fool around?"
"Dammit, Adam. Aren't you the least
bit curious?'
"Curious? What's that? Hey, you
been talking to that serpent, haven't you?
That guy's trouble, I tell you. All he does
is whine and try to get us to do things he doesn't
have the nerve to do himself. No backbone--
that's what's wrong with him.
Eve pulled an apple off the tree and bit into it.
"Mmmm, don't you want a bite? This is
so good."
Adam watched the juice drip down her lips.
A drop landed on her bare breast.
"Nah, I'd rather have a melon. You sure you
don't wanna fool around?"
Adam licked the juice from Eve's breast.
“Mmm, sweet.”
“Now try the whole thing,” Eve cooed.
Adam tried fitting her full breast in his mouth.
“No,” Eve said. “The apple.”
“Oh, okay.” He bit the apple that
Eve gave him. “Delicious. Hey,
that would be a good name for this.”
After a few moments, Adam felt a new sensation.
He looked around the garden, inspecting
everything. “I wonder why this tree
grows so tall while grass stays short.
Hey, Eve, you ever wonder where the sun goes when
it gets dark? And the moon. Is it
always there? He picks up a stick,
throws a clod of dirt in the air and tries to hit
it with the stick.
“What the hell are you doing?” Eve
asked.
“What's hell? Oh, never mind. I
was trying to strike the dirt but I missed.
Hey this would make a good game.”
“Game? I thought you wanted to fool
around.”
“Not now, babe. I need to bat this
with the stick.”
A voice thundered from above. “WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE?”
Eve tried to hide the apple while Adam remained
focused on hitting the clod of dirt that he
balled up but it still fell apart in the air.
“Hey,” said the Lord, “That's a
neat idea. But dirt is awkward. Eve,
throw the apple to Adam and Adam you try to hit
it with the stick.”
The serpent, unable to participate in this game,
grew jealous.
And you know the rest of the story....
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