Silk Pajamas
by Hermine
Robinson
Doug hesitated
outside the Kitten Boutique but failed to muster
the bravado needed to cross the pink threshold
with confidence and opted for stealth instead. He
was promptly foiled by a loud chime and a busty
saleswoman who cut off his escape. Doug stared at
her name-tag a smidgen too long while his eyes
adjusted to the dim interior.
“Can I
help you find something?” asked Rose, the
lingerie consultant.
“Silk
Pajamas.” Doug held out a limp card embossed
with silver kittens. “It's a surprise for my
wife. She wrote her size on the back.”
Rose arched an
eyebrow. “We keep sleepwear at the back.”
Doug took a
deep breath and followed her past displays of
gauzy unmentionables. Pink lace and purple satin
assaulted his senses. Rose checked the back of
the business card. “Your wife wrote down
that she's a size 6 or a size 8. Does that mean
she isn't sure?”
“Oh,
Marlene knows her size,” Doug replied.
“It's just part of her test.”
“This is
a test?”
“Yes,”
said Doug. “After 25 years my wife has
decided I need to be more romantic and buy her
something nice for our anniversary. Preferably
purple. I expect to fail. Last year I bought a
vacuum cleaner,” he added.
Rose looked
aghast.
“I should
probably go now,” said Doug.
“No! We
can figure this out.” Rose had a determined
glint in her eye. “Have you ever bought your
wife lingerie before?”
“Heavens
no!” said Doug. “I told you, I'm a
failure at romance.”
“What
about flowers?”
“Allergies.
Me, not her.”
“Diamonds?”
Doug shrugged
apologetically and waited to be tossed out onto
the street.
“Chocolate?
Candy? Anything?”
Doug admired
Rose's tenacity. “Marlene's off white sugar
since she started working out.”
“Ah-hah!
In that case, I'm going to guess your wife is a
size 6,” said Rose.
Doug hastily
chose a cozy pajama set embroidered with purple
and white flowers and handed it to the saleswoman.
“This one.” Rose held it up with two
fingers like something distasteful. Doug did not
understand romance, but recognized the look of a
woman who thought he was an idiot. “Is there
a problem?”
“Your
wife wants romance, not something that says, 'Goodnight,
stay warm',” said Rose.
“But, it's
a size 6.”
“May I
suggest that the real test is choosing
the right sleepwear?” Rose held up
a slinky purple teaser. “How about this?”
Doug's right
eyelid twitched. “Are you sure it's
appropriate?”
“Silk
Teddies are respectable but still sensuous,”
Rose replied. “The most romantic thing you
can do is show your wife she's still desirable
after 25 years. You do think she's desirable don't
you?”
“Does it
come in a 6?”
Doug mused
about Marlene's reaction to the slinky lingerie
while the saleswoman rang up his purchase and
wrapped it in pink tissue with a silver bow.
“I've
included a gift receipt,” said Rose.
“In case
it's the wrong size?”
“In case
you can't handle the side effects.”
Doug smiled.
“Actually, I was thinking about taking
Marlene out for dinner and booking a nice hotel
for the weekend.”
“A bed
and breakfast is more romantic.”
“Of
course, that's what I meant.” Doug slipped a
crisp new business card embossed with silver
kittens into his wallet and whistled all the way
home.
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