Fuelling Trouble
by Stephen Philip Druce
I mistakenly
squirted fuel through the rusty hole in my car
instead of the fuel tank, consequently drenching
my grandmother in diesel - "it's even gone
in inside my knickers!" she screamed.
Sitting in the
front seat my girlfriend yelled - "you've
put your nozzle in the wrong hole!".
"I've put
my nozzle in the wrong hole?, this is no time for
innuendo dear, we're in a crisis - I've
accidentally sprayed grandma with the gooey stuff"
I said.
"You've
sprayed grandma with the gooey stuff?. This is no
time for innuendo, we must remove her clothing -
she can wear my coat until we get home" said
the wife.
We stripped
her clothes off and the garage cashier lady
called the police. Our indiscretion had
unwittingly caught her attention - "officer,
a man and a woman have taken an old woman's
clothes off and she is naked on the garage
forecourt caked in diesel. The man pumped a load
over her" she said.
"Pumped a
load over her?" said the officer, "this
is no time for innuendo madam, I must arrest the
old lady for indecent exposure". He arrested
grandma, and I for obstructing the officer in the
course of his duty.
In the police
van I pleaded with the officer to demonstrate
some leniency. I said - "officer, please
exonerate grandma. This sorry episode will
besmirch her good name irrevocably. It's all my
fault - I'm the one who filled her knickers with
juice".
"You
filled her knickers with juice?" said the
officer, "this is no time for innuendo sir,
we're in a crisis. The police van is almost out
of fuel, so I'm going to have to syphen some
diesel from out of your grandma's ass. We don't
need much - just enough to get us to the station.
Grandma - put your hands on the van and spread
your legs".
"Spread
your legs?" I said, "this is no time
for innuendo officer, we may have a crisis here.
What happens if you search her internally and
discover there's no fluid?".
"Discover
there's no fluid?" said the officer, "this
is no time for innuendo sir, I've just received
another complaint from the cashier lady at the
garage. Apparently you left without paying for
the diesel - you owe her three pound twenty six".
"I'll pop
in tommorow and give it to her" I said.
"Give it
to her?" said the officer, "this is no
time for innuendo sir - you owe the garage three
pound twenty six".
"I haven't
got any money officer - there's a five pound note
in grandma's vagina, take it out of there" I
said.
"In her
vagina sir?" said the officer, "she
hides her cash there? - she must be really tight".
"She must
be really tight?" I said, "this is no
time for innuendo officer".
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