Oh Blah
by Harris Tobias
Greetings from the planet Blah. On
Blah we are amused at the excitement generated by
your elections. We don’t get excited on Blah.
Our elections are small affairs attended only by
the candidate’s family. The candidate with
the biggest family usually wins. Anyone can vote
in our elections but nobody does.
On Blah no candidate would ever run
on a platform of change. Nothing ever changes on
Blah, it is not allowed. If anyone accidentally
changed anything they would be made to put it
back the way it was and then apologize.
There is no campagining on Blah, no
lawn signs, no speeches and definitely no
conventions. A candidate for office simply pins a
sign to his jacket saying his name and the office
he or she is running for. On election day his
family votes for him.
There are no debates on Blah or, if
there are, no one cares enough to watch them. A
debate on Blah would sound like this:
Speaker 1: Would you repeat the question please?
Speaker 2: What question is that?
Moderator: Weren’t you listening?
Speaker 1: Are you talking to me?
This might go on for an hour until
everyone was asleep.
We don’t cook on Blah, we order
take out from one of three places: Big China, Big
Taco and Big Burger. It’s been years since I
heard anyone say yummm.
On Blah you can aspire to work
for a big company, the government or the medical
profession. Life on Blah is perfect. Everyone is
happy.
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