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A Man of a Few More Words - by Swan Morrison

A Few Words from Marcus

Here at Dog Rescue we try our utmost to rehome the animals that come into our care. Sometimes, this is easy. Puppies and older, well-trained family pets are in great demand. Sadly, some of our less popular canines remain with us for very many months.

In order to encourage visitors to consider our longer residents, it is my job to write some inspiring words about them to attach to their enclosures. I write such notes as if from the perspectives of the creatures themselves. This can warm the hearts of potential owners, and I know that my writings have been an important initial factor in many successful rehomings.

Marcus was my greatest challenge. But let me tell you his story in his own words - as written by me.

‘Hello, my name is Marcus. You might think I look rather large and fierce. That is because my daddy was a Rottweiler and my mummy was a Doberman/Pit Bull cross. I had a happy puppyhood, living wild with my parents in woodland near Bodmin. What fun we had hunting rabbits and other creatures such as cats, dogs, sheep and small children.

Unfortunately, bigger people were not very kind to us. They kept trying to shoot us, and eventually they succeeded in killing my mummy and daddy, leaving me an orphan. I was forced to move onto the Moor and fend for myself with little to eat but sheep, cattle and hikers.

Eventually I was caught by the army and placed with the nice people at Dog Rescue. I am really looking forward to finding a new home. Because I can sometimes be a little bad tempered and don’t really like people, the Home Office prefer me to wear a muzzle and live in a carbon fibre reinforced steel cage. Nevertheless, I would be an ideal pet for a patient and caring owner with experience in treating rabies.’

The usual applicants for a dog such as Marcus soon came forward. There was the single mother with three small children, and one on the way, who thought a large, untrained dog would be an ideal addition to the family. Then there was the middle-aged lady living alone and on benefits on the fourteenth floor of a council tower block, who had already taken in twenty-five stray dogs and forty cats. Finally there was the short, overweight, tattooed, macho, unemployed and not very bright labourer who was seeking a dog to match his self-image. As usual, we had to advise them all against rehoming.

One day, however, the canine psychologist from the TV show ‘Dogs from Hell’ arrived looking for a subject for his next programme. Marcus was ideal. In no time the Marcus of old could hardly be recognised, covered, as he was, in human blood and smashed TV recording equipment.

He was last seen heading back to his home on Bodmin Moor, where he has now become something of a legend.