Promotin'
Effective Parentin'
I’d never bin able to
control me kids. They’d just done what they
liked an’ kept gettin’ into trouble.
Then, about three years
back, I got a visit from the Council. They said
the Government ‘ad decided to solve the
problem of young people’s anti-social
behaviour once an’ for all. They was
goin’ to take their parents to court,
an’ maybe send us to prison.
At first I thought this was
a stupid idea thought up by some ignorant, right
wing, middle class twit of a politician who
‘ad no concept of the complex
interrelationships between social deprivation,
education an’ anti-social behaviour. Either
it was the first thought they’d ever
‘ad on the subject or the first thought they
believed might get ‘em votes from other
ignorant, right wing, middle class twits who
‘ad no concept of the complex
interrelationships between social deprivation,
education an’ anti-social behaviour.
‘Ow wrong I was. I
ended up in prison, sure enough, but it was the
best thing that ever ‘appened for me
an’ me kids. From the day I was released,
the kids ‘ave never bin in trouble again.
When I got out, I gave me
eldest, Tom, a good talkin’ to. In prison,
I’d spend a lot of time with Fingers McNab
from cell twenty-three. ‘E’d explained
the best way to break into ‘ouses; which
areas to target; ‘ow to plan the location
an’ timin’ of break-ins to fool the
police; an’ ‘ow to safely fence the
nicked stuff. Fingers was caught when ‘e was
grassed-up by a mate. ‘E reckoned if
‘e’d worked alone an’ never said
nothin’ to no one, ‘e’d ‘ave
got away with it.
Tom’s a bright lad,
an’ ‘e’s made a fortune usin’
Fingers’ methods, without the Bill ever
‘avin’ a clue.
I next spoke to me lad,
George. ‘E’s always bin keen on
gardenin’ an’ so really took to the
tips about growin’ cannabis that Leroy from
cell thirty-five ‘ad passed on to me. Leroy
was caught ‘cos ‘e got greedy. ‘E
reckoned ‘e should ‘ave stopped when
‘e’d made a million.
George reached that target
six months ago an’ shut down ‘is
cannabis factory in the attic.
‘Enry, me youngest, is
great on the computer, so ‘e really liked
the Internet scams that got Pete from cell fifty-four
nicked. Pete said ‘e should have covered
‘is tracks better, so ‘Enry worked from
me van usin’ different unencrypted wireless
networks. ‘E then used software to keep
‘is ‘ard drive bleached. Finally,
‘e followed Leroy’s Golden Rule of not
gettin’ greedy, an’ quit when
‘e’d made two million.
Me, I’ve always bin
into cars, an’, with the advice and contacts
I got from John in cell eighty-one, I made nearly
a million from nickin’ an’ sellin’-on
high value, top end motors.
Well, ‘ere we all are
in our new villa on Spain’s Costa Tropical.
We’re all gonna take a break for a few
months an’ then start up a couple of legit
businesses to keep our new lifestyle tickin’
over.
As I sit ‘ere by the
pool, drinkin’ Cava, I only wish I could
thank whoever it was that suggested imprisoning
deprived and disadvantaged parents with poor
parenting skills as a way of stoppin’ their
kids gettin’ arrested. It was a stroke of
fuckin’ genius.
***************************************************************
Further examples of
such "strokes of fuckin' genius":
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1023353/Parents-binge-drinking-teenagers-threatened-jail-Government-crackdown.html
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2005/06/24/jail-parents-says-ex-cop-115875-15661527/
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1487281/Howard-threatens-weekend-jail-for-parents-of-persistent-yobs.html
http://news.scotsman.com/escapingjustice/Parents-of-Scots-yobs-to.2328058.jp
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/courts-are-right-to-imprison-parents-of-truants-says-morris-652669.html
|
