The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

A Man of a Few More Words - by Swan Morrison

Quantitative Easing

UK – March 2009:
'The Bank of England is to expand the amount of money in the system by 75bn in an attempt to boost bank lending - a process known as ‘quantitative easing’. This is, in effect, printing money.'


Mr Mervyn King
Governor of The Bank of England,
Bank of England,
Threadneedle Street,

Swan and Millicent Morrison

15th March 2009

Dear Mr Mervyn King,

My wife and I have been noting with concern news reports about problems with the world’s economy.

Fortunately, we have modest savings and a frugal lifestyle and so, thus far, have been largely unaffected by the global economic downturn. We are very worried, however, about the effect on younger people who are threatened with redundancy, debt and repossession.

We are not very knowledgeable about financial matters, and so do not really understand what has caused the current recession. We have gathered from the news, however, that matters would be improved if people spent more money, and we understand that you are printing additional bank notes for that purpose.

Although Millie and I are just ordinary pensioners, we would like to ‘do our bit’ as our parents did in 1939.

If you would like to send us some of the extra money you are printing, we would be very happy to spend every penny in the High Street for you.

We have thought about what we might do with such purchases, as Millie and I do not want for much. We are involved with a number of local charities and plan to dispose of some items to those causes. Millie has also tidied our spare bedroom to store the remaining goods while we decide what to do with them.

Unfortunately, as we live in a small pensioners’ flat, the spare bedroom is not very big, and we need to use it when our son comes to stay. We wondered, therefore, when you send the money, if you could advise on smaller, high value products, the purchase of which would most benefit the British economy.

We thought that one million pounds might be a useful initial sum. This probably appears as insignificant loose change to you compared to the amount of money that you are hoping to pump into the economy, or that has been casually lost by the banking industry. Millie is worried, however, about the practicalities of getting thousands of pounds worth of goods home from Argos, and so, if it’s OK with you, we would like to see how we get on before committing ourselves to spending more.

We would also like to reassure you that you can count upon our total discretion in this matter, and that we are proposing this scheme not for our own personal gain, but for England!

Yours sincerely,

Swan and Millicent Morrison.