The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

A Man of a Few More Words - by Swan Morrison

The National Society For Opposition To Everything
Chair's Report

As Chair of The National Society For Opposition To Everything (NSFOTE), I am delighted to report on another successful year.

The Society has long campaigned to prevent anyone from doing anything, and now that we have so many members in influential positions and at grass roots in Britain, we have been able to pursue our objectives on multiple fronts.

The power industry has been particularly affected this year with successful campaigns against the use of fossil and nuclear fuels. Local opposition to wind turbines across the land led, in 2009, to the closure of the Vesta wind turbine factory on the Isle of Wight, and efforts continue to thwart plans for tidal, solar and other forms of renewable energy based on any half-baked rationale. Impact on the scenery or on some obscure species of local wildlife remain popular objections.

We hope that by 2050 no power of any kind will be able to be generated in the United Kingdom.

Infiltration of planning committees by our members continues to prevent the construction of new buildings and stop existing structures from being modified or demolished. The rise in the number of families unable to locate affordable homes is heartening testimony to this success. This victory is all the more rewarding in locations where it is the local population themselves who have campaigned against low cost housing for local people.

Such actions have, of course, been greatly assisted by planning committees that have made every derelict structure a listed building to avoid any constructive use of it or its site.

The engagement of local NIMBY movements has significantly aided our cause. They have selflessly opposed not just housing but mobile phone masts, power lines, new shops, supermarkets and many other such projects. This is despite enduring overcrowding, poor local communications, power cuts and the need to drive miles to find a decent shop. The NSFOTE says well done to one and all!

Oppositions to the closure of local pubs, shops and post offices has also been selflessly pursued by many who have never used these local amenities and plan never to do so. A special mention is deserved for their efforts.

These local NIMBY groups have developed fast response strategies such as the manufacture of half completed signs, posters, leaflets and petitions with headings such as ‘Join Our Opposition To …’ or 'No … Here!' - each having a space to allow rapid addition of their demonised project of the week. Other signs simply say ‘Down with the proposal!!’ so they can be quickly deployed in any circumstance.

As many of you know, I am standing down as Chair due to opposition to my chairmanship in the past twelve months. I wish to assure the new incumbent that he or she can count on myself and other members of the NSFOTE to stir up unrest, argue every trivial point and raise irrational objections to any proposal he or she might make. Thus I hope we can continue to avoid any progress in the spirit of the glorious history of our Society.

A Whinger
The National Society For Opposition To Everything