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A Man of a Few More Words - by Swan Morrison


I am delighted to have been asked to speak at this conference of the ‘National Society for the Support of English Upper Class Young People’. As a recipient of your generous help, I owe you all a very great debt of thanks.

Britain has a proud tradition of voluntary support groups for those marginalised by society. Single parents, the old, the disabled and refugees, to name just a few, enjoy practical help and emotional solace from myriad charities. There is a sector of our society, however, of which I am a part, which has been ignored by those seeking to better the lot of their fellow human beings.

I am young, physically and mentally well and extremely solvent due to inherited wealth and position. I can enjoy, therefore, the very best of an affluent western lifestyle. Frequently, however, I, and hundreds like me, are confronted with simple tasks of daily living which we are unable to undertake – simply because we cannot be bothered. This can cause huge practical problems in progressing with our lives, and yet our special needs have been cruelly overlooked. I felt totally abandoned until I was allocated a volunteer support worker from the NSSEUCYP.

She has been able to help me in many ways. When I cannot be bothered to get up in the morning, I know I can ring her and she will contact those with whom I have appointments. She will make excuses for me and even visit me at home to disable my alarm clock. On some evenings, I find it just too tedious to send out for food or turn on the TV. It is a great comfort to know that my support worker will call a take-away delivery service on my behalf or locate the TV remote. Only last Thursday, I could not be bothered to feed the cat and she was able to have Sheba put down for me.

The assistance provided by NSSEUCYP support workers has become a vital lifeline for many in this country. We must ask ourselves, however, why this has become necessary. What is it about modern society that makes so much of our daily routine just too tedious to contemplate? Clearly, for someone like myself, a normal lifestyle would involve getting up when I choose and having food, alcohol and entertainment permanently to hand. The government of this country has persistently failed, however, to develop an infrastructure to support this. The menial tasks which underpin such a lifestyle require large numbers of workers remunerated at nothing like the ridiculously high levels which employment law in this country dictates.

Our descent to our current dire position can, of course, be traced to William Wilberforce and those like him who opposed slave trading. The solution must be to reverse this trend and take the workers we require from sub-human species such as the Welsh, Scots and French – or even, indeed, our own English working class.

Well, that’s all I can be bothered to contribute as I have suddenly had a desire to leave and fly to San Tropez. As I am supposed to be addressing you for around thirty minutes, however, I will now gratefully hand you over to my NSSEUCYP support worker.